On the to-do list

September 24, 2015 by ·

There are all kinds of things on my separation and divorce to-do list – all things related to splitting apart two lives, which is hard for so many reasons. I alternate between determination to sort it out RIGHT NOW so I can move on and feeling like the whole thing is exhausting and something I’d just rather not deal with at all.

Which, of course, is not how it works.

Some of the things are things I want to do – find financial freedom and live based on a budget that I have more control over, find a new place to live and create a home that reflects me and me alone (with a sprinkle of small boys, I suppose), and get used to a new routine. Some are things I don’t want to do – finicky things like the paperwork and appointments involved in separating finances and accounts and all that. But it must be done.

snowbirds jet cockpit

This to-do list currently mostly exists in my head, but it’s starting to get put down on paper in various places (I’ve gone back to being a paper agenda sort of girl, and I love it in a retro, feeling-more-organized sort of way). Little things are popping up as I go along and I am reminded of all the things that have to be done in order to end a marriage. At times the list feels endless.

One of the things I hadn’t thought about was life insurance – I suppose because it is (hopefully) not as immediate a need, and because when it comes to things like life insurance, my brain sort of shorts out. But it came to my attention in the context of a promotion TD Insurance is doing, and sometimes that’s the best way to bring something that has been on the back burner of a to-do list closer to the front. So let’s talk about that, because I could use all the help I can get.

Some things I didn’t know about life insurance

My dad, as someone who used to work in the insurance business, will probably cringe at some of this, but here are some things I didn’t know about life insurance:

  • You can actually get life insurance for as little as $1 per day.
  • A major life event – getting married, having a baby, divorce (ahem) – is often what prompts people to shop for life insurance.
  • There is no tax on life insurance benefits.

Some things I sort of knew about life insurance

I have some life insurance through work, but that’s mostly a click-the-button thing when I re-enroll each year rather than a thoughtful calculation about what’s needed. We also have separate life insurance that we bought when I was about six months pregnant with Connor, and that’s mostly what I will need to deal with. (What does one do about that when getting divorced, anyway?) But I do remember some things about insurance from that process, such as:

  • Term life insurance is one of the most affordable types.
  • It can do more than just pay for funeral costs and short-term expenses – it can also help with ongoing living expenses, pay off outstanding debt, support children’s future education and continue a family business.

driving firetruck

If someone depends on you financially, having life insurance is one of those things you should have. And while in the (hopefully) near future I will no longer be the sole financial support for my children, they will still, for a variety of reasons, depend on me financially. I want them to be free to play and learn and grow up to do whatever they want – fly a jet, drive a fire truck, or anything else.

I, like so many others, have my own financial baggage from childhood and really don’t want financial stress to be a factor in my new, hopefully less stressful life.

Some things I am now thinking about related to life insurance

The main thing I’m now thinking about is that I need to sort this out. I need to check it off my to-do list so it’s not hanging over my head, and I need to be confident that my boys will be financially secure if anything happens to me, because I’m not willing to rely on anyone else to be that back-up.

What to know about TD Insurance

I’m going to do a little bit more research about what to do about life insurance, and if this is on your to-do list I hope some of this info about TD Insurance will help you, too:

  • Their insurance advisors don’t work on commission. Their focus is on finding the right insurance fit for you.
  • TD has a free life insurance needs analysis to help you figure out how much coverage you need and what it will cost.
  • They have a contest! Until November 13, you can be entered to win a FitBit Flex activity tracker by calling TD Insurance at 1-888-756-5666 for a free life insurance needs analysis.
  • Remember, you can’t clone yourself:

You can get a quote and apply online or call TD Insurance at 1-888-756-5666.

I’m going to do that. Are you?

 

This post is brought to you by TD Insurance but the opinions and images are my own. For more information, please visit www.tdinsurance.com/termlife.

Filed Under: Divorce · Tagged With:

The 5 best storytelling podcasts

September 18, 2015 by ·

In a previous post, I mentioned that I love podcasts and use them as a way to get out of my own head. This is a surprise to me, because I’ve always been the kind of person who tunes out audio. It could just never capture my attention. But maybe that’s because I wasn’t listening to the right stuff.

I started listening to podcasts in the last couple of years, and it’s made a huge difference in my commute, which has gone from long and painful to me wishing I could drive around the block to keep listening to the stories.5 best storytelling podcasts

There’s an art to telling a story well, and not everyone can do that in a purely audio form. I’ve found some podcasts on topics I’m interested in but that I can’t bear to listen to because they’re dry and/or awkward. When I find a good one, I so appreciate the thought that goes into it. Here are my five favourite storytelling podcasts.

1. This American Life

This one is at the top of my list and the one I always listen to first when there are new downloads. They choose a theme each week and tell different stories on that theme, and they’re hugely insightful. I often find myself wondering where on Earth they find the stories.

Some recent favourite episodes:

Captain’s Log – about the cryptic notations people make (in varying mediums) and the unexpected stories behind them. The story about Girl Scouts and their “unrelenting cheerfulness” was profound.

Lower 9 + 10 – these stories about the Lower 9th Ward in New Orleans, which has been the slowest to rebuild after Katrina, are not the usual ones we’ve heard.

2. Death, Sex and Money 

A big part of what makes or breaks a podcast for me is the host, and I love the host of this show. Anna Sale has a way of conversing with guests and delicately asking tough questions in a way that elicits really interesting stories. This is a new(ish) podcast that covers just what it promises to – death, sex and money.

Some recent favourite episodes:

A Dirty Cop Comes Clean – A Brooklyn cop talks about how he stole from crime scenes and got into drug dealing in the 80s. Fascinating

W. Kamau Bell Wonders How Much Is Enough – Kamau Bell is a comedian, and happens to be a black man married to a white woman. His stories about race and finding work in the world of comedy are really enlightening.

3. Planet Money

Oh, NPR’s Planet Money is just awesome. I’ve long been aware of it but only started listening recently, because, you know, finance. Not my thing. But it’s so good. Various hosts tell all kinds of stories related to money, finance, economics… Wait! Don’t run away! Really, it’s fascinating.

Some recent favourite episodes:

The Moonshine Stimulus – Did FDR really buy moonshine during Prohibition? The Planet Money team gets to the bottom of it.

The Chicken Tax – how the American auto industry is built on a trade dispute over frozen chicken parts (aka a story about the economy that actually makes sense to me)

How Much Does This Cow Weigh? – on why a bunch of people together can end up with the right weight of a cow (and how that same phenomenon applies to the stock market)

They also did a great series on t-shirts (based on their own Planet Money t-shirt) – from how they’re made to where they end up when we’re done with them.

4. Radiolab

Radiolab is another podcast on a topic that wouldn’t immediately catch my interest – science. (Hey, I’m a word girl.) But I love the wide range of things they cover, and the hosts are great too.

Some recent favourite episodes:

The Rhino Hunter – Ooh, this is a good one. An episode about big game hunting in Africa (coindentally released after the Cecil the Lion fiasco) that addresses the role conservation plays. (I’m not sure I buy the argument, but I don’t think they do either.) Really well done.

Mau Mau – this is another one you’ll listen to with incredulity. It’s about a rebel group in Kenya and the information revealed through rare documents from the British colonial government.

Patient Zero – This is a wide-ranging discussion of the patient zero concept, including AIDS and Ebola, but it was the Typhoid Mary story I couldn’t stop thinking about.

5. The Memory Palace 

I can’t even remember how I found this one, but I suspect it was host Nate DiMeo’s voice that drew me in. It’s just lovely. In any case, these are short podcasts about history, carefully crafted and fondly told. I recommend it for a little something different.

Some recent favourite episodes:

The Ballad of Captain Dwight – interesting insight into an African American pilot who was tagged by JFK as the first Black astronaut, and how history ultimately stole that opportunity from him.

High Above Lake Michigan – a story of a 19th century ferris wheel

Harriet Quimby – an inspiring story of an early female aviator

This is just a partial list of the podcasts I listen to regularly, and some of my other favourites happen not to be in the storytelling format, but what have I missed? Do you have any favourite story-based podcasts?

Filed Under: Randomness · Tagged With: ,

Let it go. It’s all right.

September 5, 2015 by ·

I’m driving down a road I’ve never been on, sun streaming in, music on the radio.

I’ve run away again.

At the airport

***

For the last few weeks I’ve been carrying the pain of this in my gut. Before that it was in my head, threatening to take over so I pushed it down, but it’s making me sick. It can’t be pushed down or ignored.

“What’s true is true,” the voice on the radio had said, reporting on someone else’s journey from pain to acceptance. “What’s true is true,” I thought. It is what it is. I can’t change it and it will happen whether I like it or not. There’s no point refusing to accept it because what’s true is true. It is what it is.

***
Acceptance is one thing. I’ve tried to get there. I sit and breathe and try to accept. I feel mostly flat.

Letting go, on the other hand, is active, deliberate. Letting go is hard, necessary.

Letting go is something altogether different.

I take a deep breath and think, Right. Let it go. And then the tears come.

This is the work I need to do.

***
Those who have been here before me assure me it gets better. Those who have already walked the path from married to not assure me there is beauty on the other side. Sweetness. A bit of freedom. A different but happy future.

I can see all of that. I can. I can see how it could be so good for me and even possibly better. I can see how my kids will be okay. But I can also see the big and significant things I’m losing.

***
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us,” said Joseph Campbell, whom I have quoted here before.

Joseph Campbell quote about letting go

 

I had forgotten about that quote, hadn’t thought about how it applies in this situation until I read this very wise piece. And it does, of course, in much more literal ways than the circumstances I had applied it to before.

“Your post-divorce life may be radically different from the life you once expected, so you’ll have to refocus your vision to match your new circumstances. Divorce initiates major life changes, many of which are extremely unwelcome and difficult to accept… Events you once blissfully looked forward to — growing old with your spouse, sitting side by side at your children’s weddings, hosting your grandchildren together — probably aren’t going to happen… It’s not easy, but if you want to be happy, you’ll have to let go of the old image of your life and replace it with an exciting new vision of your own design.”

–Shari Lifland

You’ll have to let go…

***

Beach house
Once again a friend has said, “You can stay at my place,” except this time it’s on the other side of the country. So here I am, in a place I have always wanted to visit, in a setting so beautiful it can’t help but inspire peace. The atmosphere of this place – beach and shells and quiet and shades of turquoise – makes me feel decidedly somewhere else. And very far away.

I have three days here to find myself somewhere I haven’t been. I have three days to let it go.

And when I get home I’m going to accept. And find a way to move on.

***

Prince Edward Island ocean view

Driving down that road I’ve never been on with the sunshine streaming in, the voice on the radio is different.

“I’ve got a smile on my face, I’ve got four walls around me
The sun in the sky, the water surrounds me
I’ll win now but sometimes I’ll lose
I’ve been battered, but I’ll never bruise, it’s not so bad

And I say way-hey-hey, it’s just an ordinary day
and it’s all your state of mind
At the end of the day, you’ve just got to say,
it’s all right.”

Filed Under: Hard things · Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Labels for Little Boys +Giveaway

August 25, 2015 by ·

Ethan-goat

See that kid? It’s time for him to start preschool. When it came time to register him, we had to count several times to make sure we had it right. Is he really old enough? I guess he is, though it doesn’t seem possible. Already?

With some other pending changes, he might also be in daycare, at least part time. Either way, he’s going to be heading out into the world in a new way, and he’s going to have stuff, and his stuff is going to need to be labelled.

When Connor was labelling-things age, we bought some Mabel’s Labels because everyone told us they were the best. And they are, though I can’t attest to the quality (or not) of many others, because we really haven’t tried any. Haven’t needed to. Mabel’s stick to anything, and this many years later Connor’s are still stuck. (They’re dishwasher proof, microwave proof, waterproof and laundry safe.) So we got some for Ethan too.

We got a Little Kid School Combo pack and there are several different design choices to choose from. You can get fire trucks:fire truck labels

Or monkeys:

monkey labels

Or butterflies (he actually probably would have liked these):

butterfly labels

But in the end I chose trains, because he loves trains:
train labels

But not in that font. I chose this one:

trainsSee?train-labels-Mabels

There are lots of ways to customize your labels, with even more design and font options than shown here.

So now I’m sticking them to things and getting ready to send my baby off into the world. Sniff.

personalized-tags

Need some for yourself? I’ve got a giveaway for a Little Kid School Combo – just enter using the Rafflecopter form below.

Happy back-to-school time!

Mabel's Labels

Thanks to Mabel’s Labels for providing a combo pack for Ethan and offering one to my readers as a giveaway.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Filed Under: Motherhood · Tagged With: ,

Grace Under Fire

August 23, 2015 by ·

“Give yourself some grace.”

This is a phrase I’ve heard often lately. “You’ve had a rough few months.” “You’re going through a lot.” “Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

I’m eating way too much ice cream.

“You’ve had a rough few months. Give yourself some grace.”

I’m spending way too much time with my bed and Netflix.

“You’re going through a lot. Give yourself some grace.”

Sometimes I just don’t even know what to do with myself.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. Give yourself some grace.”

I’m giving myself grace, but it’s too much. I just need to say that: it’s too much. Grief is one thing; grace is one thing. Giving up is something else entirely.

Staying in bed on a rainy day when you have no obligations and can indulge yourself by binge-watching your new favourite show is lovely. I’m all for it.

tiny pink clamshell

Staying in bed because you can’t figure out what to do with yourself and can’t summon the — the what? What is it that’s needed to not let depression win? Energy? Strength? Motivation?

Whatever it is, I don’t have it right now.

I stare in the face of JUST DO IT, and I don’t.

It – whatever it is – should be a simple thing, but it’s not simple. It’s a giant chasm, in fact. It’s the difference between maintaining mental health on the one side and just plain not coping on the other. Between staying in bed and getting up to do something. Between eating all the ice cream and not. Between eating, period, and not.

There’s grace and then there’s giving up.

“Perhaps your expectations are a smidge high,” a friend said.

“Just give yourself some grace,” they all say.

“You’ll get through this

Move past it

Be okay.”

“Just give yourself some grace.”

But not too much, I think.

After all, there has to be something left when I come out the other side.

Filed Under: Hard things · Tagged With: ,
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