This month’s Good Housekeeping has an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow where she talks about her experience with postpartum depression.
“I thought postpartum depression meant you were sobbing every single day and incapable of looking after a child,” she’s quoted as saying. “But there are different shades of it and depths of it, which is why I think it’s so important for women to talk about.”
Smart woman, that Gwyneth.
That’s what I thought postpartum depression was, too. Then I read Brooke Shields’s book, which, while heartbreaking, didn’t reflect my experience either (though her experience of being totally detached from your baby sounds like it was similar to what Gwyneth experienced).
My problem was anger. Rage, actually. At best I was impatient, but more often really annoyed. Irritable. And from there I was just a blink away from total rage.
Rage is a horrible thing to experience at the best of times, and downright scary when you have a small baby who’s completely dependent on you. I managed to put him down and walk away when I really needed to, but some days it took every ounce of strength to do that, stand outside his door and breathe long enough to calm down.
I never knew anger and rage was a symptom of depression. Had no idea. I think that’s why I denied the postpartum depression label for so long – because I wasn’t generally what I considered “depressed”.
But it is a symptom, and more common than I realized. So if you or someone you know is experiencing this, ask for help. And remember that it’s okay to talk about it, because you’re not alone.
If you’re interested, I wrote more about my experience with postpartum rage.
