“Write about a woman who helped you,” was the request, but who among the countless options to choose? I could write about my mother, who probably tops that list. But I did that recently. I could write about my sisters, but I can’t yet adequately articulate the gratitude I feel for what they’ve done for me. So I’m going to write about someone else – someone who helped me just this morning, in fact.
Yael Saar has actually been helping me in the virtual world for a while and then she offered to speak on the phone, which we did this morning. She gave me a welcome push toward addressing the one issue in my PPD battle I have felt I can’t solve.
I struggle with my son, who’s quite spirited (as I’ve noted). I appreciate this spirit but it triggers me, pushing me over the edge into reactions I can’t control. A lot of his behaviour is normal – throwing food, flinging his toothbrush across the room, refusing to stay in bed, hitting when he gets worked up – but he does it with a special enthusiasm.
My reaction to this has been to try to control it. You don’t want to brush your teeth? Fine, I’ll hold you down and do it for you. You don’t want me to put these clothes on you? Then we’re not going to the play date.
Not surprisingly, it’s not working. And more, it’s prolonging this battle and making it harder to fight. My biggest fear is that the ultimate ending to this saga is going to be me saying, “I love you, but I can’t live with you.”
Yael’s suggestions were a lightning bolt, shocking my brain into functioning properly. She encouraged me to think about command vs. respect, independence instead of forcing my way, and to try to understand what causes his rebellion to find ways to avoid the things that trigger him.
This perspective was a gift – perfectly timed to pull me a little further away from the hole of hopelessness. The next step is up to me, but I will be forever grateful to Yael for pointing me in the right direction.
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