Dear M.,
When we got married you gave Rich and I a gift. An intangible gift, but one you managed to capture in words.
“On this day, I can think of only one thing to offer.”
It wasn’t a present. It was a gift. A extraordinarily beautiful gift.
“You have given it to me. Others have received it as well. In fact it is given all over this great Earth. No one should go without it.”
I knew this, but not the way you knew it. You knew this, and among your many strengths this is one of your most powerful.
“It is something that, if properly maintained, respected and contributed to, will never wilt or disappear.”
You gave us this gift nearly seven years ago, and during the time since I have often felt I didn’t nurture this gift enough. I was never afraid it would disappear, but I’m not sure I contributed equally to its upkeep.
“Its value cannot be measured and is rarely appreciated enough.”
You’re right, it can’t be measured, though I’ve always appreciated this gift you so freely offer to those around you. But I’ve never, never appreciated the value of this gift more than in the last couple of weeks. I’m overwhelmed by it, and the fact that you have given it to us.
When you came over Easter weekend I was happy to see you. No, not happy. Really, really glad. Relieved. My whole family was here that weekend and it felt like a buffer. It felt like you were all standing around the three of us holding hands and blocking everything else out. When you all left, I knew that support was still there, but I felt a little bit more alone.
Last Tuesday, when I came downstairs in the morning and Connor said, “Auntie ‘Shell is coming over today,” I just smiled.
“I don’t think so, honey,” I said. “She went back on the plane. She’s back at home.”
I didn’t believe him when he revealed that secret, so when you walked into the living room I didn’t know what to think. How could you be back so soon? Why were you back?
But I knew why. And I was glad.
“It is not a one-way gift. It is hard to give and not get back.”
Over the last week and a half, you have given me so much more than you will ever know. I can never repay you for distracting Connor when I couldn’t do it. I want to package up time and sleep and give it to you when you need it in exchange for those mornings you got up with him so we could sleep. I want to give you everything I have – every nourishing thing, every comforting thing, every beautiful thing – for coming, without being asked, when I needed you to come. For knowing when I needed to talk and when I needed to be silent. For seeing in my son what I sometimes don’t. For seeing in me what I felt was lost. For just being here and bringing the most precious gift I have ever received.
“FRIENDSHIP. My friends are my family and my family are my friends.”
I couldn’t ask for a better family but I will never forget your gift of friendship when I needed it most.
xx
