Archives for July 2011

Camping, Rectified

When dinosaur camp was confused with camping, there was disappointment on a small boy’s face.

That has now been rectified.

It started with backyard camping to see how things would go.

The tent was set up. The camping chairs were brought out. The appropriate sticks were acquired and fashioned for optimum roasting.

No time was wasted in getting those hot dogs over the charcoals. (The deck was only set on fire a little bit.)

The toddler roasted his own (and did a fine job, too).

Of course cooked hot dogs are no good, so you give that one to your mother and then you eat one raw. And then another. Then it’s time for s’mores. And another (raw) hot dog.

Whew. All that camping practice is exhausting.

Even the dog thought so.

And that was mama’s cue to go inside and sleep in her own bed. 😉

Result: Camping practice a success! On to the real thing.

Camping must-haves, according to a three-year-old: boots.

(Camping is thirsty work, apparently.)

And then a happy discovery: flush toilets!

Grandpa and Grandma came out for the marshmallows.

A bit of tossing and turning in the night, and the bacon was forgotten at home, but he made the best of the breakfast hour.

Overall result: one happy camper.

 

Vlog: He Gets It From His Dad

This isn’t a new video but, as suggested for the 3rd prompt, it’s one of my best memories. (And no, this is not helping my baby fever.)

Photobucket

Rockin’ the Baby (Fever)

Shell’s got a good thing going on over at Things I Can’t SayRockin’ the Bump was a total hit. (I didn’t participate because I looked at the pictures of me pregnant and decided I hated all of them. I really need to do better next time.)

And speaking of next time… she’s trying to induce baby fever in everyone with her next link-up. Which, you know, is nice and all except I’ve already got baby fever. If only life didn’t keep getting in the way…

In the meantime, I’m happy to share pictures of my baby (who is now three. Please explain how that happened!).

Asleep on mama's chest.

6 weeks and getting chubbier

Sigh. I miss those days.

5 months. My husband thinks he's SO funny with his PhotoShop skills.

Heart. Melt.

6 months and growing way too fast.

Hello Inspiration – A Little Bird Told Me

First, thank you to everyone for the shower of love and support on yesterday’s post. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that I can write that honestly and not scare people away.

Later on Friday, after that much-needed reassurance from my boys, I spent some time browsing Pinterest. I can always count on some time spent there to help my perspective and my “Things That Inspire” board is getting full. There are a lot of things that offer similar sentiments, but when I got to this one I actually paused, momentarily breathless.

It was perfect, and perfectly timed. I totally believe these kinds of things come to us when we need them, and for now I’m just trusting with all my heart that this is true.

little-bird-told-me

Art Therapy

I’d been on the couch all morning, still battling the fine line between better and not, and not was winning. Only the clock ticking closer to 11:30 pushed me toward reality.

The logical part of my brain was urging me up. You have to get up, it said, before he gets home from dino camp. Just GET UP. Don’t succumb.

I knew it was right, but I ignored it. I played the usual game – you can’t, or you don’t want to?

Neither? Both?

I know. I need to get up and get dressed. There’s only so long you can sit on the couch wondering what the hell is wrong with you and trying desperately to hold back the tears.

I finally tweeted myself off the couch, had a shower, got dressed and came back downstairs.

The list of things I could do – should do – was long. But the couch won.

When Connor came home it was with a burst of energy, bringing life back into the living room. A bouncy ball, retrieved from his dinosaur egg pinata, flew around in a flash of orange. He was revved up, full of leftover excitement from his day camp activities and bursting with anticipation of backyard camping that night.

When he’s excited he’s physical and loud. I sat on the couch, paralyzed, sensory overload taking over all rational thought.

It’s too much.

As though physically pushing in the clutch, I forced my brain to switch gears. You need to eat something. You’re due for a med dose.

I stood up, focusing on making sandwiches. I can do that and then retreat upstairs, I thought.

But I was back in the company of those who understand, no longer alone where letting the tears fall leads to a flood I can’t control. The dam broke and the tears were set free.

I’m sick of the rug underneath me going very suddenly MIA. I’m sick of the tears. I don’t know if this is worse than the anger and irritability, but it feels worse. I never used to feel this way. I’m in it – this black hole of depression – and I don’t know how to get out.

After all this time, my husband understands. He gives good hugs and he’s willing to be the voice of reason.

“I know. But it will be okay. It will.”

When? When will it be okay?! It’s been THREE YEARS.

A small voice.

“What’s wrong, mama?”

I don’t even know how to answer this anymore.

“Mama is sad”? But mama is sad way too often and that’s not how I want him to think of me.

“Mama is sick”? But I don’t want him to worry.

In the end I was saved from having to find a response.

“Here’s a picture. I made this for you.”

He brought it home from camp. It’s a dinosaur, I assumed, but I asked anyway.

“It’s an airplane!”

Oh.

Not a dinosaur? Or are the dinosaurs in the airplane? Do you think dinosaurs even fit in airplanes?!

I can still play the silly mama.

He paused, deep in thought.

“Maybe little ones do.”

That he took the question so seriously, answered so earnestly, made me laugh. In so many ways three is such a perfect age.

And then he said it.

“It will be all right, mama. Put this picture I made you on the fridge and it will be all right.”

Then he was gone, having turned away to help make sandwiches, focusing very carefully on lining up the bread just so.

But I couldn’t see, because my eyes had filled up, the tears spilling over in gratitude and love for his wisdom, his sureness, his caring.

I put the picture on the fridge – I don’t even know which way it’s supposed to face, but I placed it high enough that he can’t steal it away – where it has stayed. And he was right.

At the end of the day, things are closer to being all right.