Archives for October 2011

Beauty in the Breakdown: TEDx – The Video

October 19, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

Early this morning I got an email from the organizers of the TEDx event I spoke at. “Your talk is up on the TED website,” they said nonchalantly, as though that one short sentence hadn’t just caused my heart to skip a beat.

Before I had even watched it, my husband had posted it on Facebook. I did sort of want someone to watch it and tell me what it was like, but that wasn’t quite what I had in mind…

“Did you watch it?! Is it awful?” I asked him.

“I saw it live. It was great,” he replied.

Husbands are so not helpful.

I was nervous. This is me crying on stage in front of strangers and it was posted on the TED website. I started to watch it, panicked, and stopped. I boiled the kettle and considered pressing play again while I was waiting, but wasn’t quite ready. Finally, with tea and toast in hand, I sat down to watch it.

I’m not sure how I expected to feel about it. Proud, I think, which is how I felt after the event. But I have to be honest: other things are outweighing the pride right now. I know I’ve written about all the things I spoke about – the tears, the rage, and the accusations – but for some reason having this video out there is…different.

But I’m going to share it with you anyway.

It is what it is and this is my story.

(If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, the juicy part starts at the 4-minute mark.)

And speaking of being enough… Did you see my piece on Band Back Together about the origins of Just.Be.Enough?

And next week I’ll be at Just.Be.Enough. on Monday hosting the Be Enough Me link-up. Join us!

Write, post, link-up, share your story and your voice.
Be part of carrying the weight of confidence and share our mission
to empower, inspire, and remind women, parents and children
that the time has come to celebrate ourselves!

Next week’s prompt: Five Things That Make You Smile

(Remember you can also write on a topic of your choice.)

Filed Under: Be enough me, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: admissions, Be enough me, going public, mask, telling the truth, we're not alone

Halloween Traditions and the Battle of the Candy

October 18, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

One of the best things about buying this house almost nine years ago (and moving from an apartment) was really getting to enjoy Halloween. That first year we started several traditions we’ve stuck with ever since, one of which is the totally awesome pumpkins my husband carves every year. Last year he did this guy:

The wonderful thing about Tiggers is they make good carvings.

Some past masterpieces (he has a thing for comic strip characters):

Help! I'm stuck in a pumpkin!

A cherished neighbor undeserving of such a fate.

He also likes ogres, like this one:

I'm grumpy.

And this one (oh wait, that’s not an ogre, that’s my husband):

I'm grumpy too.

I’m typically more of a two-triangles-and-a-mouth sort of pumpkin carver, though I did a pretty fancy haunted house last year. It got the Pumpkin Master Seal of Approval, so I consider it a success. I’m going to continue that particular tradition this year and do another inverse design – a simple but classic glowing black bat.

Connor is now getting in on this tradition as well. His very first jack-o’-lantern:

Apparently his style of art is more abstract.

He drew the features and dad did the carving, and thus the artistic tradition continues.

In addition to doing several pumpkins each year, we hang bats from the porch and bring out the glowing ghosts. Some of our neighbours do great decorations (sound effects included) so we always have a great time walking up and down the street looking at them.

But the best part of Halloween for us is handing out candy.

Friends of ours do fireworks and hot dogs on Halloween and we always really want to go. It would be fun but we never want to miss the trick-or-treaters, so we stay home, order Chinese food, and take turns calming down our dog when the doorbell rings.

Every year, in preparation for the big night, my husband and I engage in the Battle of the Halloween Candy. It goes like this:

He wants to be “that guy” on our street so he likes to go to Costco and buy full-sized chocolate bars.

I think that’s a bit much, especially because we get the same teenage kids coming back over and over because we’re “that house.” But I know he’s going to buy them anyway so I at least try to convince him to wait until close to Halloween so we don’t eat them all ourselves.

He buys them early.

We eat them all ourselves.

Okay, not all of them. But in the past we have been known to be a little light on candy by the time the 31st rolls around. But not this year!

Handing out big bars of chocolate certainly makes you look cool, but to me Halloween is about a big bowl of individually-wrapped candies. It’s about choices and options and different-coloured gummy things, and this year I’ve got a whole stash.

I’ve got Sour Watermelon Slices, Peach Slices, Sour Cherry Slices, Tangy Wild Strawberries and Sour Grape Slices. I have Big Foot (Big Feet?) and Green Thumbs and Hot Lips. I’ve got gummies and sours and jubes and jellies.

I’m going to pit my BIG bowl of candy against my husband’s chocolate bars. I’m going to dive wrist-deep into the bowl and grab a whole handful of different kinds of candies and listen to the satisfying shush-and-rustle as they drop into treat-laden bags and pillowcases. And then I shall compare the lasting looks of delight on those children’s faces to the fleeting awe of those who get a whole candy bar.

Okay, so there’s no guarantee I’m going to win the award for the Best Treat Giver-Outer. But I’m totally going to have fun trying.

***

Disclosure – I am participating in the Allan Candy Company program by Mom Central Canada. I received compensation (and candy! glorious candy!) for my participation in this campaign. The opinions in this post are my own.

My husband and I had fun reminiscing about Allan Candy’s rabbit-ears logo and corner store candy trips as kids. Here’s some info about their candy:

Allan Candy is a Canadian company and all of their halloween candy is peanut-free and proudly made in Canada. Their line-up includes Allan Intense Jubes & Jellies, Allan Chewy Rascalz and Allan Fruit Buddies, which can be found at stores like Wal-Mart and Loblaws.

Filed Under: Happy things, Stuff I like · Tagged With: family

On the Move: Guest Posting at Bees With Honey

October 17, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

There’s a very special woman out there in the Land of Online. Not just because she’s an awesome Canadian. Not just because she’s totally stunning. And not just because she’s unbelievably friendly. She is all those things, and they are a big part of who she is, but I noticed her in particular because she’s honest. (Her post from yesterday is a perfect example.) Finding someone I like and then getting a peek further into who she is ranks high up there on the list of things that make me happy.

This very special woman is Bruna from Bees With Honey.

I’m at her place today sharing a post about being the mom of a preschooler and all the art it entails. Come visit!

If you’re here from Bruna’s, welcome! Here’s some more about me:

This is Where I’m From.

This is my philosophy on life, which has gotten me into the process of a big change.

This is why I don’t think hard experiences are necessarily bad.

This is my son snoring (when he was a baby).

This is my kid now (aka toddlers are weird).

Comments closed here today. Come and chat with me at Bruna’s! (And thanks again, Bruna, for having me!)

Filed Under: Guest posts, Motherhood · Tagged With: family, love, toddlers are weird

Rich in Love Trumps Rich in Money

October 17, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I have a new bloggy friend who feels like a kindred spirit, though I haven’t known her long at all. I met Dwija from House Unseen. Life Unscripted. through a bloggers’ group on Facebook, and if I hadn’t noticed her because of her name I certainly would have because of her blog. “We bought a house in rural Michigan sight-unseen off the internet,” reads her header. “My husband quit his job in California and we moved our four kids across the country.”

Heck yeah, I want to read this woman’s blog.

Then she friended me on Facebook and holy canoli is this woman funny. As in don’t-miss-her-status-updates funny.

Her story, as it turns out, is even richer than it sounds. (No pun intended.) My heart latched on to her history when she wrote Where I’m From. Several people, including me, asked her to share more about her background. Her response to that request – her humility, her hesitancy, her hilarious vernacular – captures so much about why I totally dig this woman already. (Plus, the post included a giant picture of a musk ox.)

She has started writing those stories, so go read part 1 and tell me you’re not hooked already. (And because you’re going to want them, here are the links to part 2 and part 3.)

So, um, anyway…before I spend a whole post rambling on about my new friend (and I could) I’ll tell you why this is important: She’s here today! And I’m at her place.

We’re doing a post exchange as part of the Friends You Love blog hop. I asked her if she’d play with me, she said yes, so here’s Dwija!

***

Five years ago I was still in my twenties. My skin looked great, I ran five days a week, I had two healthy little girls in pre-school and decent job.

And I was miserable.

Oh, we had money. We owned a charming little condo in Southern California and had two cars. I went out with my friends at least once, maybe twice a month.

And he was miserable.

We had everything “they” say you need to be happy and we just…weren’t. We weren’t happy. Because the one thing we didn’t have was each other.

I’ve read articles and “studies” lately that suggest the secret to a happy, or rather just bearable, marriage is to spend as much time apart as possible. Go on vacations alone. Talk badly behind each other’s backs. Drink a little too much. And then get some better meds.

My friends, if you are willing to endure that kind of painful existence, milquetoast at best, desperately depressing at worst, you are selling yourself short. You are cheating yourself out of the joy that everyone deserves.

When we had money and a house and perfect children in the Land of Fun, we rarely saw each other. We shared no hobbies. We went on no adventures together. He worked nights as a police officer, I worked days in an office. His days off were during the week, mine were on the weekend.

We stopped knowing each other.

So we stopped loving each other.

And you know what? That is not good enough. Not. Good. Enough. I wanted more, demanded more, because I deserved more. You deserve more.

And then the best terrible thing that could have happened to us happened – we foreclosed on our condo. Suddenly we had something in common again: a crisis.

In managing that crisis, we had to lean on one another. We had to make tough decisions and remind ourselves of what our priorities were. Or ought to be. We clung to one another and our relationship and the love we shared for our children and suddenly our lives BLOSSOMED again. Into a two-bedroom apartment just 6 days before baby number three was born and we were filled with JOY.

The peace that washed over our hearts and lit up our days once we prioritized each other over money or “fun” or stuff was nothing short of miraculous.

And now we’re here, in a house we bought for $27K cash sight-unseen off the internet, not knowing when Tommy will get another job or if we’ll ever be able to fix those holes in the ceiling, and we are happy.

You are worth more than tolerable. You are worth more than it-could-be-worse. Believe that. Live that. Make your life and your marriage and your family your hobby. Your adventure. You won’t regret it.

***

Sigh. I love her.

So now that I’ve introduced (some of) you to a fabulous new blogger, please head over to Dwija’s to read my (not nearly so deep) post about the time we were moving my husband out to live with me and ended up giving all his worldly possessions to some strangers.

Filed Under: Guest posts, Happy things, Hello, Inspiration · Tagged With: community, family, living life, love, perspective

When a Brochure Isn’t Enough

October 16, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

As part of packing and sorting and getting ready to move, I overcame my hatred of sorting through old papers and went through a filing cabinet. Near the back was a navy blue folder simply labelled “Baby.” It was a folder I started when I was pregnant and it still contained things like what kind of fish to eat (and not to eat) when pregnant and other information that I once paid attention to.

Also in that folder was a beige, tri-fold brochure on postpartum depression from our local health authority. I assume it came with the other information we got in the hospital that it was bundled with, but clearly I didn’t pay attention to it because (a) I don’t even remember seeing it and (b) fat lot of good it did me.

I’m sharing my thoughts on that brochure today over at Postpartum Progress, where I’m now a regular contributor (and pretty darn excited and proud about that, too).

Come read!