Archives for October 2011

On the Move: Hanging Out with Punky Brewster

October 14, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I’ll admit it: I was a total Punky Brewster fan. She was spunky. I like spunky. Well, Punky Brewster’s back…sort of.

Soleil Moon Frye (the actress who played Punky) is now quite the social media maven. She’s also a mom (and a gorgeous one at that – I wonder if she’d trade hair with me…?) who has written a book about motherhood. It has what I consider a totally fantastic title:

“Happy Chaos.” Is that not motherhood summed up in two words?

In any case, she also has a website – a community, actually – about motherhood. And guest who’s guest posting there today?

ME!! (Holy Macanoli!)

I wrote about a problem I have. Due to an unfortunate incident last winter involving wimpy west coast snow my son thinks I don’t know how to build a snowman. Except I totally do. So yeah, this is a problem.

Come on over to Moonfrye and read The Snowman Test of Motherhood.

Filed Under: Guest posts, Happy things, Writing · Tagged With: toddlers are weird

Impromptu Gratitude List, v1

October 12, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

After spending the better part of the last week totally cranky, I decided it was time to force the happy back. I’ve been better in the last couple of days (and thank you so much to those of you who have checked in on me) and would like to take the time to note some things I’m grateful for.

Last month I started creating a gratitude list every night in my journal while taking Karen Walrond’s Chookooloonks Path Finder course. I liked ending my day that way, but then things got busy and I stopped for a bit. And then last week during the crankies, when I particularly needed to find things to be grateful about, I couldn’t. Or maybe I didn’t want to.

In any case, grateful is better than grumpy so here’s an impromptu gratitude list to serve as my reminder to focus on the good.

My very clean and entirely clutter-free house. It was nail-breakingly painful to get it to this point, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts.
A very good number of showings on above-mentioned very tidy house, which seems like a good sign.
A dinner-time showing tonight while Connor was at my parents’ house, which gave my husband and I the chance to have an impromptu date night.
Parents who willingly and happily help out.
Finding a sale on jeans the same week I tore a very big hole in the knee of the only pair I have that still fit me.
Discovering I still fit the same size jeans (even when not well worn and stretched out), which I also take to be a good sign.
Chocolate ice cream (especially given #6).
Cozy spa socks at night.
Knowing there are people interested in our house but not feeling pressured to accept conditional offers at this point, giving me time to get over some of my sad feelings about selling this house.
My intuition, which has never been a terribly good compass for me but seems to be doing better lately. Despite the hugeness of this change, I still think it’s the right thing to do. And I’m trusting my intuition again when it tells me a certain job, which I may or may not get offered, isn’t the right one for me. If I get the opportunity I’m going to decline and trust that doing so will keep me on the right path.
Really amazing blog and Twitter friends. I must figure out what I did to deserve you so I can do it again in my next life.
A couple of days where my little boy was very cuddly.
Friends who bring me homemade cookies.
Having a puppy for a shadow, especially one who is typically daddy’s boy.
Being able to brainstorm an idea with my husband and plan a project around it. (Oh please, oh please let us figure out a way to make this work!)
Winning a blog design. Whee!

I’m going to go back to writing a list (even a short one) in my journal every night. Do you keep a gratitude list? Do you find it makes you more aware of the things you’re thankful for? I’m betting it will for me.

Filed Under: Happy things · Tagged With: gratitude, lists, my wish for you, perspective

Blue

October 11, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

With some distance, I wonder what Connor will think of all this when he’s older.

Will he understand my struggle?

Will he think it was about him?

Will he be embarrassed that I put this much of it out there?

I don’t think he will.

In fact I’m willing to bet he won’t.

You see, we know it’s okay now.

One day, long after her streaks have faded, he will come across a picture of his Grandma – my mom – with blue hair.

He will see a newspaper article with a picture of her – blue hair and all – sitting between his dad and I.

And he will know what that brilliant shock of blue means: It’s okay to ask for help.

And if he asks I’ll give him nothing but love.

Just like my mother did for me.

With thanks to Paul and the staff at Chamberlain Walk hair salon for supporting my mom’s fundraising for mental health and suicide prevention.

If you’d like to make a contribution you can do that here. If my mom raises $4000 she’ll dye her whole head blue (and I really, really want to see that).

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Music in the video is “Blue” by July for Kings. Lovely, isn’t it?

Filed Under: Better world, Happy things, Motherhood, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: community, family, gratitude, hope, love, my wish for you, we're not alone

Join the Fight: Depression Awareness Month

October 10, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I wrote yesterday’s post thinking it was a silly confession about overindulging in chips and ice cream. Today, as I entered hour three of being curled up in bed in my parents’ guest room watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory on my laptop (having again vacated our house for showings), my head was finally quiet enough for that little voice to be heard. The one that says, “It’s back. You’re back there.” The one that tries to brush away my cranky exterior enough to get through to me with its message that being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid is a sign of more than just being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid.

It’s the other side of the voice – the usually much louder one – that says, “Life sucks. This is too hard. I don’t want to live with this anymore.”

Today, while I deal with the battle of the voices, I’m sharing a guest post from from Help for Depression. In honor of Depression Awareness Month, they’re hosting a fundraiser for To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA).

***

It is so hard to take care of the house and the kids when you need a fork lift to get out of bed each morning. That is why it’s so important to spread awareness about depression during October, Depression Awareness Month. I would surely like my husband to have more awareness, although generally he is patient and sympathetic with me.

What motivates me to write about Depression Awareness Month is my daughter. She called me from her dorm and said, “Mom, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my homework. What’s the point of all this anyway?” I had hoped none of my children would experience depression. I’ll have to revise my hope.

While searching for information on depression in young adults, I learned that 44% of college students have depressive symptoms. As my daughter would say, “OMG.” How is it possible that so many young people, close to half, are depressed when they’re just out of life’s starting gate? I find it outrageous that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. It can’t be right to ignore these statistics.

How bad does it have to get?

Think about it: if 44% of university students had the flu all at once, it likely would be labeled an epidemic. I think if people realized how big this problem is there would be more concern, or at least the start of more concern.

The other day my ten-year-old said, “Mom, you’re such a crab,” and that was to my face. My husband calls our life boring, and my mother thinks I’m lazy. There is a little truth to the laziness part, but that’s not why the laundry is piled up.

I do not want my daughter to be afraid of people finding out she is depressed.

That is why I am thrilled about Depression Awareness Month. It won’t fix the problem, but it is a start. People need to know what the symptoms are, what resources are available, and those suffering deserve to feel accepted.

As for myself, I want people to know that I do not expect to be babied, and do not feel sorry for myself. I want people who are suffering unnecessarily to find help. I want to purchase my medication without feeling a tinge of shame.

There is an easy way to help

There are people doing more to spread depression awareness than just talking, like me. Help for Depression, a depression resource, and a nonprofit called To Write Love On Her Arms, have joined forces this October to raise money for depression awareness.

If you can click with a mouse, you can make a difference. Go to the Help for Depression Facebook page and click the ‘Like’ button. For each new ‘Like’ given between October 1st and the 15th, $1 is donated towards their $15,000 goal. Please take a few seconds to click and contribute.

About the Author

Jacqueline is a creative writer, published poet, and has an MA in counseling psychology. Her education is backed by 12 years experience as a licensed clinical counselor.

***

When I first “liked” the Help for Depression page, there were only a handful of other likes. Now, not even two weeks later, they’re at almost 10,000. This is clearly an issue that affects a lot of people.

Please click through and click “Like” to help them towards their $15,000 goal. Depression is a horrible thing to live with.

PS You can also find me on Just.Be.Enough. today talking about my current struggles as a parent. Please come and visit me over there and tell me I’m not the only one…

Filed Under: Better world, Hard things · Tagged With: admissions, community, depression, hope

Maternity Clothes for the Not Pregnant

October 9, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

My husband came home with Doritos the other day. Cool Ranch ones. A big bag.

You can see where this is going.

Junk food, for me, is a very slippery slope. I can sometimes manage just a little bit, which I indulge in sometimes just to test the theory that you should eat a small amount in order to avoid bingeing as a result of abstaining altogether. But the line between just a little bit and oh-so-yummy is pretty fine.

So I ate the Doritos. Not all the Doritos, but more than my fair share. And then a day or so later I wanted to finish the end of the bag, which would have been a nice, reasonable, moderate amount, but then the dog ate them. (Seriously. That’s not a dog-ate-my-Doritos lie.) I could have taken that as a sign, but by that point I really wanted Doritos. So I bought some more. Cool Ranch ones. A big bag.

Hey, don’t judge. They go so nicely with the Coke I’m addicted to.

Then there was last week’s Really Bad Day. On my way home from work I stopped at the grocery store to pick up something for dinner and while I was there my mom called my cell phone. I ended up crying in the middle of the grocery store. So I tweeted this…

…and damn if Twitter didn’t enable me. So many “Yes! Do it!” “Get chocolate!” “Buy sprinkles and whipped cream too!” suggestions that I couldn’t let people down. I bought the chocolatest ice cream I could find, grabbed the Kleenex, and bawled through two bowls of it.

It’s possible this is all emotional eating related to recent stress.

I thought about posting this as my “Be Enough Me” post last week, but I honestly wasn’t prepared to commit to doing anything about it. Last week was worse, but I’m still not sure if I’m ready. After sliding down that slippery slope into the ditch, however, I have to at least admit to it. Especially because this is totally unlike me. I usually do the moderation thing fairly well, but right now not at all. And I’m not exercising at all either.

The other day I tore a giant hole in the knee of the only jeans I have that fit me right now. This morning I mentioned that to a friend, who sympathized with the tight clothes predicament, and we got into a conversation about how elastic-waist maternity pants are really quite comfortable. I should probably do something about my eating habits before I get to that point, huh? Especially since my maternity jeans are packed away in a very inaccessible location…

I need something – some sort of catalyst – to prompt me to change.

The upside to this is that I finally have cleavage but, to use a friend’s expression, that’s not a good trade. I’m enough me as I am. I really don’t think having more of me would be a good thing.

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