When I chose my one word for 2012 – VIBRANT – I had a moment where I wondered if perhaps it might come to mean more than just joyously living life. It was wishful thinking at the time – a what if and not a when.
Now it’s a when.
Somewhat to my surprise (but certainly not unwelcome) I’m pregnant.
<insert joyous hooray>
My reaction to this, and the roller coaster of emotion over the last several weeks, could potentially fill this blog from now to my due date. (But don’t worry – I won’t subject you to quite that much navel gazing.) I will share one story about a reaction that was most unexpected given that this is something wanted and hoped for, but mostly I’m hoping to move on in a much more positive frame of mind than I’ve been in of late.
If you read my post yesterday, you’ll probably wonder what on earth had me so worked up. I wonder that a bit myself, actually, as I knew I would once I got past that milestone. You see, I started a new job in the middle of December, which puts me not quite at the three-month mark. Total newbie. And I’m replacing someone who was away on mat leave for a year and then returned, on a part-time basis, only to resign a couple of months later to stay at home with her son. The team I’m leading has had a rough time with having a manager over the last couple of years (or not having one, as the case may be).
I know, this is more important. And people will understand. And what are you going to do, anyway?
I know all that.
But somehow over the last six weeks I’ve managed to work myself up into a state of guilt and unbridled angst over this. “Screw you” is not a life philosophy I subscribe to. (Not that anyone who leaves a job for any amount of time due to pregnancy or parenting does…) I’m not even past my probation period – not that I had any concern about being fired as a result of this announcement, but it’s all just so…new.
So instead of continuing to add to my already ever-present nausea with a stomach in knots, I decided to come clean. Better to have it in the open than stuck in my head, I figure. And besides, given how fast I’m already expanding it wouldn’t have been a secret for long.
In any case, it went well. I’ve told them and now I’ve told you.
And now, joyously, all those words that have been walled up inside me can be set free.
Coming on or around October 13, 2012 to a blog near you.
Image credit: SanShoot on Flickr
