One morning in November 2009 I stepped out of the shower, flipped my hair over to wrap a towel around my head and felt a little tweak in my back. By the end of the day I could barely walk.
I did a number of things to try to sort it out:
- I saw my RMT for a massage, which made my back spasm so much I had to get my husband to help me back into the house.
- I saw a chiropractor for the first time and in addition to an adjustment she gave me pills that contained some weird ingredient that I think was pig pancreas. They did precisely squat for the pain. So much for the pig.
- I went to a walk-in clinic and asked for pain killers so I could at least try to cope. I got them and a muscle relaxant, both of which also did precisely squat.
By the end of the day I was desperate, so we went to the ER. We had to wait for four hours to see a doctor, and I honestly thought I was going to die. That’s the most pain I’ve ever been in, c-section included. I finally saw a doctor who gave me super-ER-strength pain meds, which helped enough that I was able to move without crying.
Eventually my back was all right…until June 2010.
I had three weeks’ vacation and we were driving to my sister’s wedding before road tripping for a bit. About 23 minutes into the 12-hour drive I had to ask my husband to pull over so I could stand up for a bit. The super-ER- strength medication, which I had so wisely packed, wasn’t helping. A double dose of Tylenol and Advil did though and I crashed and slept for most of the drive.
Then about two months ago the tweak came back, and I finally noticed the pattern.
November 2009 was the worst-of-the-worst of my postpartum depression before I started to get help. It was an awful time for me, and I almost lost my family over it.
June 2010 was another low period and when I left on vacation I actually thought I might not be back at work after that three weeks.
Two months ago, major PPD panic was starting to set in and when I felt that familiar tweak in my back, I decided that something that was coming back at awfully coincidental times related to my mental health wasn’t going to get through this time so I told it to bugger off. It did, but not for long.
Now I’m at the point in my PPD battle where I’m off work to finally deal with it, and the back pain has returned. It’s just bad enough that it’s hard to bend over. Spitting out toothpaste is a challenge. My usual methods of exercise are not really an option so I’m compromising but feeling the lack of happy endorphins. When Connor asks me to pick him up I can do it by squatting way down and using only my legs and arms, but I wonder if that might be the final straw that breaks the mama’s back.
Now I’m seeing a different (better) chiropractor and trying to both physically and mentally let it go, back pain is really not what I need right now. Especially because, by my math, the timing is totally not a coincidence.
A + B + C + D = psychosomatic back pain. If only Freud weren’t dead.
*Disclaimer for Kim: In linking up with you on this, I’m in no way suggesting that my back issues are as bad as yours or that yours aren’t “real”. You deserve better support for a legitimate injury. I just wanted to rant 😉
