Thurs., June 12, 2008
The last day… I should know by now that things don’t turn out as planned. We went in today for the version and after IVs and ultrasounds [the OB] decided fluid levels were too low and wouldn’t do it – baby probably needs to come out. We almost had this baby today but the hospital was really busy so we opted to come home and go back tomorrow.
I’ve been expecting a scheduled c-section for a while but it’s strange that it’s here. Part of me really wants to meet this bean and part of me wants more time. I’m not sure I’d ever really be ready though. These last few weeks have not at all been what I expected. I finally stop hating being pregnant and now it’s over.
I’m nervous about the surgery, though trying to believe the people who say it’s not so bad.
I’m also nervous about the fact that our lives are about to change in this major way that I can’t even begin to anticipate. All my reservations about doing this are coming to the surface, which I hope (and suspect) is just a night-before thing. I’m sure in a few days I’ll read this and have a bit of a laugh about how I had no idea about this amazing thing that was coming.
For now this is my last night as the me I have been so far.
This isn’t how I expected to be feeling. I’m not sure where it’s coming from (or why I’m writing it down…)
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Hello, self? Why were you surprised that you ended up with postpartum depression?
