I have said, “Be gentle,” approximately 962 times in the last two weeks.
“Gently, please.”
“Do it gently.”
“C’mon, buddy. I really need you to be more gentle.”
Whatever form it takes, it’s tough to say and tough for him to hear.
It isn’t even usually related to Connor’s interactions with Ethan. C is pretty gentle with him, for the most part, though he does need to learn that there’s a time for patting the baby on the head and when he’s nursing isn’t really it, especially when it involves Connor climbing up on my lap to reach that little head.
No, it’s me he’s rough with. And Rich sometimes. And of course the long-suffering dog. Running jumps and flying leaps that are problematic for a mama with various sore body parts. Hitting because he’s excited or mad. Throwing things.
He’s bored, a little bit. We’re doing our best to combat that, but there’s bound to be a transition period and he’s smack-dab in the middle of it.
I feel bad for him. He so badly wants to help and be involved, and we’re letting him do all kinds of stuff. He’s the official diaper getter, wipe distributor, and nursing pillow finder. He takes the dirty diapers and throws them away before I’m even finished putting the new one on. He puts the soother back in, pulls Ethan’s hat up off his eyes and sings to him when he’s fussy.
He’s just the best darn big brother and I’m so, so proud of him.
Last night we gave Ethan a bath, and Connor really wanted to help. But he’s just a bit too enthusiastic and after being redirected when he was splashing too much and asked to wait while Dad did some rinsing, he slunk off and turned on the TV. His head drooped and he sunk down into the couch cushions and I almost couldn’t bear it.
I went to sit with him and talk to him about how we want his help and how he’s doing such a good job, but he wouldn’t hear it.
“I’m not a good helper.”
And my mama heart broke wide open.
It’s hard to convincingly tell your biggest boy that he is a good helper when you’re crying like a hormonal mess, but I tried. I told him he was a really, really good helper and I’m so glad we have him and he’s just the best big brother we could hope for.
He’s just not our one and only anymore. And right now that’s tough for everyone.
