Construction-Zone Craziness

When we initially started talking about buying our first house, my husband thought it sounded dreamy to buy a fixer-upper we could work on ourselves.

I told him he was crazy.

This was almost 10 years ago, mind you. Before dog, before kid, before we were married, even. I think it’s safe to say life was simpler at the time, and yet I couldn’t imagine diving into a reno and trying to live in the house at the same time. Thanks but no thanks. No way, Jose. Not a chance.

In the end, somewhat ironically, we bought a house in a new development. We picked the colours, the countertops, the cabinets. We watched the walls go up and the windows go in. When it was done, we moved in knowing we didn’t have to do anything. We didn’t even have to change a lightbulb.

Fast forward 9 1/2 years and we’re living in what feels like a construction zone. We’re sprucing things up and fixing things that need to be fixed after inhabiting this space for this many years, more recently with a precocious child who likes to make holes in things and draw on walls. (Magic Erasers are my new best friend.) It’s not a massive undertaking, but it’s starting to feel like it.

We started some of this work in June and then promptly abandoned it (long story), so we’ve been living with spackle-filled holes above our shower and a few other things as part of the scenery ever since. But about three weeks ago we started again in earnest. More holes have been patched, sanded and painted. A wonky skylight no longer looks as though it might share the next heavy rainfall with us. Furniture has been pulled into the middle of the room so we can tackle walls and baseboards.

It’s no large-scale kitchen reno, but it still feels like a construction zone with paint brushes in the kitchen sink and a layer of dust on everything thanks to post-spackle sanding.

Today my husband boldly climbed up to the skylight in our ensuite and fixed the seal around it. Which, understandably, involved the creation of a really big mess. He cleaned it up fairly well, but it will have to be sanded and painted tomorrow so there’s no point getting picky about things tonight. Still, I had to do some sleuthing before bed to figure out where my toothbrush went.

As I brushed I noticed the debris around the sink – pieces of wall and putty and dust and goodness knows what else. Then getting into bed I saw that our duvet was covered in grit. Well, shake it off. Literally. I picked it up, gave it a shake and dumped the grit on the floor.

The mess is temporary, but it’s driving me batty.

I realize this is all a big whine about something insignificant. Something I should be (and am) grateful we’re able to do. In fact, I’m especially grateful for all the work my husband is doing right now – that he’s able to do it all himself and working hard to get it done quickly is not something I take for granted. So yes, this is what you might call a first world problem.

But here’s the thing: I don’t do well in this environment. I get squirrelly enough with clutter – I create my fair share of it, but it makes me crazy. So this is all a bit much.

Every night around 7:00 my husband and I start to get snippy. The cranky cues are subtle – a short fuse when it comes to noisy toys, less patience for repeated requests for a TV show we both hate, and the undercurrent of Oh-God-we’re-never-going-to-get-this-done-and-I-can’t-take-it-anymore in our conversations.

I know – am aware with every fibre of my being – that I could very quickly become a nightmare to live with right now. But I’m determined not to go back there. I am trusting this process to get us where we want to go and in doing so I’m focused on finding a way to live with it – a not insignificant effort that will involve more mood control than I’m usually able to muster.

This is important though and, yes, temporary. So until we’re done I will find a way to overcome the craziness and just be.

Every MONDAY join us…
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Next week’s prompt: “I knew I had to….”

(Remember you can also write on a topic of your choice.)

 

Also linked up with Just Write.

Where I’m From

I am from homemade Playdoh in blue and green, from the endless possibilities of Brio trains, and multi-coloured afghans hand knit with love.

I am from beach houses, suburban houses, and the house of many trees, each one a home complete with dogs and dance recitals.

I am from my mother’s mountain, a freshwater spring spilling on to the sand, and a John Denver soundtrack on long drives between the two.

I am from summers at the pool and advent calendars at Christmas, from Rileys and Birds and the traits of the Nelsons.

I am from Calvin and Hobbes quoted at the dinner table and laughing so hard milk comes out your nose.

From you have your mother’s eyes and I’m going to drive with my eyes closed so tell me if we’re going to hit something.

I am from a belief system that knows kids and clothes can be washed and that little girls are more valuable than family treasures accidentally broken.

I’m from a hospital nestled in the foothills, tourtière on Christmas Eve and school lunches that were the envy of classmates, they who wore kilts and blazers and heard pull your socks up and dangly earrings aren’t allowed. (I wore them anyway.)

From boats and salt water oceans, a mother’s hand warm from her tea, and the man who summoned emergency personnel with a practical joke, prompting a fondly-recalled story in the newspaper 25 years later.

I am from fat, brown photo albums, artwork and photos above computers  and a do-anything-for-you kind of love reflected in a lifetime of knowing what it is to have a family.

family photo of children playing in the sand

The beach house where the spring water flowed into the ocean. (That's me on the left. The 4th sibling came later.)

 

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With thanks to Mama Kat for the prompt using this template based on this original work, which I’d seen before but had not yet been inspired to try. 

And with sincere apologies to my mother if I’ve made her cry (again). 

Walking the TEDx Talk

Yesterday I presented at a TEDx event – the locally-organized versions of the well-known TED conferences. I’d like to share that experience with you and have been trying to figure out how best to do that. I was inclined towards a humble description of how it went, as in:

It went really well. 

It was a great experience. 

It was fun, and I’m really glad to have done it. 

You know what? Screw it.

Instead I will tell you this: I got up in front of a theatre full of people I don’t know – people from my local community who I might very well see on the street tomorrow – and told my story about postpartum depression and how blogging, with brutal honesty, about my breakdown not only helped me but helps others. I shared some excerpts from my posts here. I cried – not a little, a lot.

Here’s how it went: I got a standing ovation. And I am really damn proud of that.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the event and I certainly wasn’t sure about my place in it. I was honoured and totally excited to be asked to speak, and I was less nervous than you’d think about telling my story. What I did worry about was whether people would connect with it and whether I would be able to offer something for them to take away.

The organizers were supposed to give me time cues and they chose not to, so I went, er, slightly beyond my allotted six minutes. Judging by the response, the people – including men – in the audience who were crying, and the incredibly generous comments I got afterwards, I think I can safely say I managed to get my message across.

That’s not the only reason I’m proud of how it went. I’m proud because I did it in a way that was true to who I am. I knew I was going to cry – I couldn’t figure out any way around it. And I actually didn’t worry about it. My story, and my message that it’s okay to be a little bit vulnerable, it’s okay to remove our masks and be honest about our struggles, and that, in doing so, we might actually make the world a better place – that’s an intense sort of topic. You want people to be emotionally invested in what you’re asking them to do? Make them cry.

Making people cry wasn’t my goal, obviously. Making it okay for me to cry was my goal. Because that’s what happens when we open ourselves up to people and share the stories about the hard stuff and reveal that maybe – just maybe – we’re better off for having dealt with something difficult. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable. I was never okay with that before. I am SO okay with it now.

Those of us who put our words to these pages – who tell those hard stories and reveal our tears – know there’s beauty in the breakdown. We know we’re not alone. We know we will get support and that those who don’t support us perhaps just don’t understand.

I’ve seen this countless times on other blogs. My friends’ blogs. Your blogs. I’ve seen you share stories about hard things I never would have suspected had you not written about them. I’ve seen you be bravely, beautifully honest and then, just when I think all your cards are on the table, you lay down your hand and say, “This is what life dealt me. It’s not the hand I’d have chosen, but there’s no point hiding it so I’m going to play. I’m going to stay in the game and play, and if you care to read along with me I’ll share my strategy and you’ll see that you can win even when you get dealt a bad hand.”

That’s why I believe bringing together writing and technology is more than “blogging” and think those who dismiss what we do here underestimate the power of this art. This art has the power to break down barriers and borders. It has the power to make life better. It has the power to make lives better.

You know it, and I know it.

And I think it’s an idea worth spreading.

[Update: The video of my talk is now available.]


This is our very last week to make an impact for Be Enough Me 4 Cancer. Last week we had 45 people link up an enough-themed post in our 
Be Enough Me for Cancer campaign and I’d love it if you’d help us boost that number again. For every 20 linked up posts, Bellflower Books will provide a memory book to a woman fighting breast cancer through Crickett’s Answer for Cancer, and help bring a smile to courageous women giving it their all, every single day. The link-up remains open for three days. No blog? No worries. You can also comment on the post or on the Just.Be.Enough. Facebook page with your own story and be counted.

 

Creating Hallowe’en

The celebrations and holidays of summer are behind us and September is just around the corner. I know what’s coming next, if only because the decorations in the stores – on the shelves for weeks now – encourage us to do it up right.

Hallowe’en.

The stores have lined their shelves with candy already, tempting us to buy early and be prepared, knowing we’ll eat it all within the week and have to buy more.

I’m not falling for it.

The decorations have surfaced, as frightening (and kitschy) as ever, encouraging us to let spiders dance on doorways and make ghosts watch from windows.

Sooner or later I will buy some, to add to our growing collection, because it’s fun and I know Connor will be into it this year.

And then there are the costumes.

They hang from rods, on plastic hangers in their plastic packaging, many made from plastic themselves.

I knew nothing of store-bought costumes as a kid. My mom – ever devoted, ever creative – made our costumes herself and in doing so set a standard I never thought to question.

Until I had a child, that is.

And realized I couldn’t sew (and had no desire to learn).

On Connor’s first Hallowe’en, we went back and forth on whether to get him a costume. He was just over four months old at the end of October – not exactly trick or treating age. But we wanted to dress him up. My husband, never one to cheat on anything that provides an artistic opportunity, was determined to make a bumblebee costume. We searched for basics to form the costume core and accessories to bee-ify him. Nothing was quite right for my husband’s standards and so we abandoned the effort. Shortly before the big day, I came across a costume on a classifieds site – it was a good price for an absurdly cute ladybug costume from Old Navy, so I bought it.

Yes, he’s a boy. I didn’t care. That costume was cute.

Toddler dressed as Yoda for HalloweenCome October 31 I stuffed my son into it and dragged him down to a local children’s store for their Hallowe’en party. It was great, except for the part where my son screamed through the whole thing. I gave up, stripped the ladybug off him (without even getting a picture) and took him home, where we spent the evening desperately trying to get the dog not to bark every time the doorbell rang (a useless effort at the best of times, never mind on Hallowe’en with all its tricks).

By the second year I realized any desire my husband had to make something had long since faded when, much to my surprise, he came home with a yoda costume. From a store. I thought it was great because it gave us the opportunity to spend many hours practicing our yoda impressions.

“Wear a store-bought costume, you will. No crafty bone in her body, your mother has.”

Yoda Halloween costume with a red clown wigYou get the point.

Anyway, aside from that added bonus it was cute, which was the new standard. And it looked pretty good with a red clown wig, too.

Then last year a Spiderman costume caught my husband’s eye, confirming our abandonment of any pretence about making a costume ourselves.

This year is no different. I came home one day several weeks ago to find a very happy small boy dressed as a fireman. He and his dad had been out and found this costume in a store. With a fireman a clear choice for a costume, they bought it. And so it hangs in the closet downstairs, awaiting its turn to parade around the block.

I had no involvement in the procurement of this costume. I didn’t help my child come up with the idea. I didn’t sew a single stitch. I didn’t even buy it – on its plastic hanger in its plastic packaging – and bring it home so my toddler could look forward to being a fireman for Halloween.

I can’t sew, and I don’t want to. I might get out my black eyeliner and help him look coal-smudged and authentic, but that’s about the extent of it.

I loved my Hallowe’en costumes as a kid. Looking back, knowing how much time and love went into creating them, I remember them especially fondly. But I’m not going to make costumes for my kids. That’s not the sort of mom I am.

What I will do – like my mom did with us – is help my son get dressed on Hallowe’en and walk with him up and down our street delighting in our neighbours’ decorations. I will watch his face as he collects candy in his bag for doing nothing except showing up on someone’s doorstep (and looking cute). When our doorbell rings, I will run with him down the hall and admire the other kids’ costumes – not caring where or how they got them – and then let him choose a candy bar to add to their haul.

That’s the sort of mom I am. And it is enough.

Join us every Monday…
Write, post, link-up, share your story and your voice.
Be part of carrying the weight of confidence, empowerment and share our mission to empower, inspire, and remind women, parents and children that the time has come to celebrate ourselves!

How you have lived the Be Enough Me feeling this week?

A reminder: Starting last Monday and continuing for 3 more, we are fighting cancer with the help of two incredible partners: Bellflower Books and Crickett’s Answer for Cancer. For every 20 link-ups received this month, Bellflower Books will donate a $75 certificate toward a 20-page memory book to a family identified by Crickett’s Answer who are fighting the good fight against breast cancer. Our goal is to be able to provide ten women the opportunity to receive a special book created by family and friends that will be treasured not only by the brave women fighting, but by their families as well.