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Dear Had-Enough Girl

December 11, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

Last Wednesday was not a good day. In fact it was a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.*

By that point we had been in our new house for a week and a half. We had no furniture except the bed we’d bought when we got here and while hanging out in an empty house with no furniture sounds kind of fun, it’s only actually fun for about a day and a half.

The people who lived here before us had a cat. A big, hairy one. I like cats, but I’m horribly allergic to them so being in the vicinity of a cat (or the evidence of a cat) for a prolonged period makes me fairly cranky. And this cat left evidence. There was cat hair everywhere, which we attempted to resolve by vacuuming and steam cleaning the carpets. And washing the windows because there was cat hair stuck to them. But then we discovered that the washing machine and dryer here do a lovely job of pasting cat hair to our clothes, and that was really the last straw.

By last Wednesday I was beyond cranky. I was downright miserable, and making life downright miserable for the two boys and one dog who live with me.

I had been trying to stave off the rage by tromping through snow and chasing sunsets but on Wednesday it wasn’t working. I was sick of the cat hair. I was sick of not having enough cutlery and enough towels. I was sick of someone else’s washer and dryer and desperately wanted to get our new ones delivered already.

I’d had enough.

And then—as it is wont to do—the Universe intervened.

First, a bit of backstory: Several months ago I subscribed to Daily Truths from the Brave Girls Club. (They’re called “A little bird told me…” How perfect is that?) More frequently than I would have expected that daily truth hit on exactly the thing I was struggling with. But then for some reason I stopped getting them. I tried to resubscribe but no dice. With everything else going on I didn’t worry about it, especially since I caught some of them on Facebook.

Anyway, on Wednesday evening, as I was starting to wonder exactly how hard it would be to invent a fast forward button for the bits of life I really didn’t want to have to live through, I saw one of those daily truths on Facebook. I normally skip over those when I’m in a bad mood, but I clicked on that one.

Those who wish to sing always find a song.

Artist: Sally Rose

“Dear Had-Enough Girl,” it said, and I knew it was talking to me.

“First, just take a second and breathe, ok?…deep deep deeply breathe in and out. Close your eyes for a second and remember that it’s ok if you feel completely overwhelmed at the tasks that are ahead for you… It’s okay if you want to throw a fit some days and let someone else be in charge.

So do it…throw a fit for a few minutes.”

I love unexpected messages that completely enable me.

And then kick me me in the pants.

“Now that you’ve got that out of your system…think for a minute about how you want the rest of the day…and tomorrow to go. How you really want to feel, what you really want to accomplish, where you really want to end up…and decide right this second that you are going to do ONE THING to take a step in that direction.”

All right, little bird. Message received. Time to take a deep breath and get my priorities straight.

Thursday was MUCH better.

*With thanks to Judith Viorst for such a perfect descriptor.

If you like, you can read that daily truth in its entirety.

Do you have a source of daily inspiration? Does it ever hit the nail on the head?

Come and visit us at Just.Be.Enough. this week. We have a giveaway for a totally inspiring book!

Filed Under: Be enough me, Hard things, Hello, Inspiration · Tagged With: admissions, anxiety, Be enough me, call for back-up, gratitude, perspective, The Universe

Are you done with this boy?

December 6, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

Living in a new house in a new city with no furniture and no routine and a toddler who’s getting bored is fun. Really fun.

Okay it sucks.

I think I officially ran out of patience today. And my husband is sick again, so he’s not the happiest camper either.

I tried to address the situation by taking Connor to the park today to frolic in the snow and build a snowman, but it was a spectacular failure. (Did you read The Snowman Test of Motherhood? I haven’t passed yet.) Between that, a request to “fix” his Lego monster truck 46 times, and one of those million-questions kinds of days, I had had enough by about 3 p.m.

That’s probably when I should have realized going to a restaurant across town for dinner with my mother-in-law was a bad idea. But no! We had a gift certificate and we wanted to go because it’s a place we like. Let’s just say it didn’t go so well, and that’s why my husband and I looked at each other across the table and laughed when this conversation took place:

Connor: “Dad, why did you give me ALL the croutons?”

Dad: “Because that way you’ll have them if she comes back and asks if we’re done with this bowl.”

Connor: “Did you say ‘if we’re done with this BOY‘?”

[Commence smirking.]

What? You would have found it appealing too. At least the salad bowl doesn’t poke other diners and talk in an outside voice in the middle of the restaurant.

Filed Under: Conversations with Connor, Hard things, Motherhood · Tagged With: anxiety, rants, toddlers are weird

Chasing Sunsets

December 5, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

We’ve lived here for a week. It feels like our house although it doesn’t yet feel like home.

Late last week it snowed. A lot. I watched it come down, my response to this first snowfall as a permanent resident of this winter town nothing less than total glee. I love snow like no one else I know.

I have two boys who have been sick on and off since we arrived (I suspect their tummies react to stress like my back does, which is to say angrily) and a dog who appears to be settling in all right, although for the first few days he was velcroed to us like a shadow, desperate to make sure he wasn’t left behind in this strange new place.

But he, too, likes the snow. We’ve been walking, up and down streets, exploring this strange new place. There are jack rabbits on the streets and at night they bound ahead of us, surprising me. I’m not used to them – deer yes, large rabbits no. Surely nothing with that much bounce and determination could be a bunny, I think, but they are, their ears and large hind legs coming clear under the street lights.

We’re the last community at the western-most edge of the city—the city limit sign is right around the corner—and when we head out from home it’s just a couple of turns and a short stretch of road before we get to the outer edge. That’s my favourite thing so far. We round a bend in the road and there before us are mountains as far as the eye can see – right to left, the whole horizon is filled with snow-covered crags. It’s as though you can see the whole of the Canadian Rockies right there outside our doorstep. My breath catches every time. I will never tire of it.

Tonight I was coming home from the grocery store at sunset and it looked like the mountains were on fire. Large swaths of pink and blue, with one peak a fiery gold. I chased the sunset – driving up and down streets looking for the best view. No photo I took did it justice. I could have stayed out there forever watching the sun rise and fall, rise and fall, leaving the mountains alight.

We don’t yet have our stuff (though we bought a new bed, and thank goodness). Apparently the rest may arrive tomorrow and we’ll finally be able to settle in. I’ve been living on anxiety and adventure, swinging from one to the next like a monkey on a vine. I’m looking forward to less of the former and more of the latter. I’m looking forward to furniture and a shorter to-do-to-get-settled-in list. I’m looking forward to tromping through snow and chasing more sunsets.

Chasing sunsets is good for the soul.

Linked up with:

Filed Under: Happy things, Hard things · Tagged With: anxiety, favourite activities, living life, perspective, photos

On Just.Be.Enough: New Kid on the Block

November 30, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I’m still alive! We’ve moved into our new house (if you can call it moving in when you have no furniture and none of your stuff).

Us en route

Connor is sick, my husband is sick, and my back is giving me grief again (it does this thing where it tries to collapse when I’m stressed – fun times). And we have no wifi, so I’m doing all my online stuff the hard way.

But we made it!

By way of further update, I’ll direct you to Just.Be.Enough today where I have a post about adjusting to a new place.

Come visit!

Filed Under: Hard things · Tagged With: anxiety

A is for Anxiety

November 21, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

A week ago last Saturday, I sat down for a bit after a party we hosted so we could see as many people as possible before we move. I hopped on to Twitter and saw a tweet from @moonfrye (aka Punky Brewster) and I didn’t even have to think about how to respond.

We have had so many great visits with friends in the last few weeks. Maybe I’m in denial but I’m not thinking about moving away from all these people, I’m just feeling grateful to have so much love in my life.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Blah blah blah. She’s happy. She’s doing something bold. Whatever.” Well, hold on because I’m going to bring it back down to Earth again for a minute.

Elena based this week’s Be Enough Me prompt on that tweet from Soleil Moon Frye. And this week it’s not so easy for me to answer.

Friday was my last day of work and, despite what some people seem to think, I’m not freaking out about having walked away from my job. I’ve been leading up to this for a while and, though it hasn’t entirely hit me yet, I’m mostly just glad that I don’t have to be responsible for certain things anymore. But it turns out sitting at a desk for eight hours a day is a good distraction from other things.

I’ve written before about how I’m nervous about leaving my parents. But I’m not the only one feeling that way.

For my part, I’m acknowledging and anticipating my own angst (and hoping against hope that Connor doesn’t totally freak out when he realizes we can’t just pop up to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for a visit) while holding on to the faith that this is the right thing for us to do. A necessary thing, even. I can find that faith when I need it. I just can’t force that faith on my parents.

My mom is in the stomach-lurching, chin-wobbling phase of this process, the one that requires lots of deep breaths and some Kleenex. I know how she feels, because I read a post she wrote a couple of weeks ago about what our move means to her and had the same requirement for deep breaths and tissues. I’m worried about my dad too (for all sorts of reasons, actually) and he’s much less likely to say anything about how he feels about all this.

As for how I feel, well, I feel like I’m doing this to them. They’re talking about moving as well, which would make sense because my brother and one of my sisters live there too, but I don’t think they would necessarily choose that for themselves. It means moving out of a house they like and away from a mild climate to a frigidly cold Canadian winter. There’s a reason they moved here from there in the first place.

So my old friend anxiety has returned to watch this process unfold, bringing its sidekick insomnia with it just to make things extra fun. And I guess that’s how I’m feeling.

Pass the Kleenex.