Be enough me Archives -

10 Things I Couldn’t Be Enough Without

May 20, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

This week on Just.Be.Enough the Be Enough Me prompt is “10 things I couldn’t be enough without.” I’m interested to see where people take this – Elena is hosting on the blog today and she did something totally different with the post than what I’ve done. More intellectual and reflective, I’d say, but this list is what came to mind for me.

So — trusting that you know that family and friends and health and all that are part of my essentials — here’s a list of what keeps me sane and makes me who I am.

1. Alone time – I need some every day. I go nuts without it.

Image credit: Jake Bouma on Flickr

2. Chapstick – Totally addicted. For life it seems. I just hate having dry lips (and hands, for that matter).

Image credit: ecstaticist on Flickr

3. Two litres of water a day – I’ve been a huge water drinker for years. I down at least two litres a day, often more. I do not feel at all myself without it.

Image credit: The Ilr on Flickr

4. Perspective – In any form. A new point of view or a change of scenery does wonders for my state of mind, which is one reason I love to travel. Nothing challenges my world view like being somewhere else.

Image credit: eschipul on Flickr

5. Chocolate ice cream – Because, duh.

Image credit: Joyosity on Flickr

6. Sunshine – Another thing that can make all the difference. That’s one of the things I’ve loved about having moved – we had way more sun this winter than we used to get.

Image credit: mendhak on Flickr

7. Cheerios – This is likely (hopefully) not going to be a life-long thing, but right now I need something I can eat first thing in the morning so I don’t give up and go back to bed. (19 weeks and I still need them. How am I going to make it through five more months of this?!)

Image credit: Nebraska Becky on Flickr

8. A shower – Cannot.function.without.

Image credit: PhotoAtelier on Flickr

9. Sleep – I knew this about myself before I had a baby so there wasn’t really any need to reinforce it, but one thing is certain: I need sleep to stay sane. Probably now more than ever.

Image credit: Casey David on Flickr

10. This blog – It has shaped my identity in ways I never imagined. Thank you for being here with me.

Filed Under: Happy things · Tagged With: Be enough me, favourite activities, perspective, photos

More Than Strong

April 24, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

Confession: This post is not coming together. And it feels like the opposite of what I’m supposed to write. But I need to say it.

A couple of weeks ago, Ashley Judd blasted media in a piece on The Daily Beast. In this smart (very smart) article, she took people to task for speculating on her puffy appearance and, in doing so, reducing women to their most superficial attributes.

If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s fascinating.

I pointed this piece out to our Just.Be.Enough team because it fits perfectly with the theme of that blog. We talked about it and decided it was a great prompt for a link-up: Who are you beyond your labels? We’re helping to Change the Conversation.

I’ve had labels applied to me. We all have. Some of them are kind, others spiteful. Some are ignorant, and some hit a little too close to home.

It would be easy to say, I am more than a PPD survivor. I am more than “just” a mom. I am more than any of those obvious labels. But it’s not the obvious labels I want to shed today.

For the past two years, in particular, I’ve been described using a lot of very kind words. Strong. Smart. A good mom.

I’m just so capable.

Except sometimes I don’t feel that way.

And this is where I got stuck writing this.

It seems silly to say, “I don’t want to be labelled as strong.” But sometimes I don’t. There are times when I admit to struggling and I ask for help, and to say, you’ll be okay – you’re strong overlooks the fact that in that moment I’m not.

I think this is the flip side of talking about mental health. Yes, it’s okay to talk about it. No, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it also needs to be okay to say I’m not okay and have that be recognized as part of this process. It leads to important questions, like What do you need to be okay? and to the support inherent in saying, I don’t expect you to just get better.

“Good” labels can be stifling. Someone can be strong and… Strong and struggling. Strong and tired. Strong and just plain in need of support.

If we’re going to get rid of labels, we need to accept the whole person. We need to be able to say, I accept that about you and give you the space to either work through that or let that be part of who you are.

No matter what the label, we need to accept people for who they are—even just in that moment—not what we want them to be.

***

I’d like to say a huge thank you to my beautiful friend Angela from Tread Softly for helping me think through this and for making it okay to post about something that kind of feels like a whine.

About the Change the Conversation link-up:

It is time to look past the obvious for ourselves and our families. We’re inviting posts from voices everywhere to share your labels and who you are beyond that. The focus is whatever you need it to be– from our lives as moms, dads, parents, spouses, to professionals, survivors, athletes and more. We invite you to join us, to celebrate our strengths, to celebrate our diversity, to celebrate our voices and change the conversation.

We hope you will read, comment, link up, and explore the stories of others who have linked.

Please join us!

Filed Under: Postpartum depression · Tagged With: admissions, Be enough me, labels, perspective

On Just.Be.Enough – Pregnancy and Worthiness

April 8, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

Remember when I revealed this pregnancy and made reference to my unexpected reaction to it? I thought I’d write about it sooner but so much has been going on and, honestly, I wasn’t really ready to try and describe it. I’ve been thinking about it again lately though, and decided it was time to tell that story. So today on Just.Be.Enough I’m hosting the Be Enough Me link-up and telling you about how I felt unworthy of being given a chance to become a mom again.

Come and visit me over there!

Comments here closed.

Filed Under: Postpartum depression, Pregnancy · Tagged With: Be enough me, perspective

Pride in the Name of Doing It All Again

March 18, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

A few days ago I read a post by my friend Jenn. She wrote about how being a mom with depression can sometimes suck and when I saw the title of her post I thought, You bet it does. And it does, there’s no doubt about it. But Jenn’s post was actually about more than that.

…this post is not about parenting with depression it is about parenting after getting help for it. You see, there are still days that I can feel the effects of my depression on my parenting.

Oh lady, I so know what you mean.

As I sit here, nauseated and with a burgeoning belly, I think back to my last pregnancy. I remember thinking how amazing it was going to be to have a child and what a wonderful mother I would be. I thought about soft blankets and small toes and a warm baby asleep on my chest. I thought about how romantic it would be to get up with a tiny baby in the stillness of the night.

I thought, in other words, about all the things most about-to-be-mothers think about. What I did not think about, however, was how it might not be like that and how I would not be able to control how I responded to all that hard.

I did not think about how I actually don’t always get to choose the kind of mother I want to be.

Like Jenn said, I feel as though my experience with PPD has forever altered the type of mom I am.

I thought I would spend time dreaming up activities to do with my kids instead of being scared to plan something only to have it go sideways and not be able to cope with that.

I thought I’d be attentive to their nutritional needs, always ensuring they got a wide variety of things to eat, not making Kraft Dinner with ketchup on the side because it’s the only thing I have the energy to make.

I thought I’d be good at playing and didn’t expect to be left with a post-PPD desire for me time that kicks and flails and insists on being acknowledged to the detriment of “good mother” priorities.

However… that’s all just for context and not really what this post is about. I’ve been doing okay (better, anyway) in some areas so today I figured I’d link up with Charity for her Mother’s Pride Blog Carnival and acknowledge some of the things I think are going well. Or better than before, anyway.

I’ve been doing bath time without feeling like it’s a major energy suck and something I have to work up to doing.

I’ve been doing better at redirecting behaviour like yelling or throwing things without feeling like I’m going to snap.

I’m a little better at playing. Sometimes.

I’m pretty good at doing countdowns so we can eat lunch/leave an activity/get to bed without any meltdowns.

I’m better at asking for help.

And while I’m on the subject of pride, I’m very proud of my son for adapting well to his new school and for his insatiable curiosity and inspiring confidence when it comes to Lego, and very proud of my husband for picking up the slack while I focus on not puking everywhere.

So that’s what I’m proud of, even though I’m not the mom I thought I was going to be. But is any of us? Are you?

Filed Under: Be enough me, Hard things, Motherhood, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: admissions, Be enough me, expectations, mom's instinct

Things I Like About Me – The Sequel

February 27, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

In July of last year, I jumped in on a link-up my friend Elena created. Except she wasn’t really my friend then because I’d only just met her so I didn’t know her all that well.

Anyway, I wrote a list of things I like about me and linked up with her because I thought it was a great idea. A whole bunch of other people did too so the link-up really took off. And shortly after that Elena invited me to join her on a new site she was about to launch and, thankfully, I said yes, which is how I got involved with Just.Be.Enough (and discovered just how incredibly Elena really is).

And now we’re doing the link-up again.

It’s almost six months since we launched Just.Be.Enough, which seems like a good time to remind ourselves of the things we like about who we are. When I wrote my last list, I was surprised at how hard it was for me. This time I know it’s going to be hard, which is why I’m rambling on here instead of getting to the list already.

Okay, here we go:

I know myself well enough to know when I need a break and don’t push myself to be social when my introverted self is done with crowds (she says as she writes from her hotel room at the Blissdom conference while everyone else is at the party).
I think I’m a pretty good boss.
I try to make sure no one feels excluded.
I’m a hugger. I don’t know why I like that about myself, but I do.

I think that’s all I’ve got. Not that I’m down on myself right now – I’m just feeling blocked about writing. That has certainly become clear over the last couple of days at this conference, but more on that later. Maybe.