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Gratitude, Comment Love and Something Entirely Unrelated

January 3, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

Confession: The revision history on my last post is RIDICULOUS. I edited it over and over and just could not get it right.

It actually started off as my blogging anniversary post, and it was directed at those of you who come here and read and offer support. I wanted to tell you how much that has meant to me over the last year. How much it means to me now.

Writing about something as personal as depression—especially in the moment, as so many of my posts were—feels incredibly vulnerable. I wrote about those things because I needed to have them live somewhere other than inside my own head, but there was also a part of me that wanted to hear I wasn’t alone. And wow, am I ever NOT ALONE.

Image credit: Joffley on Flickr

Over the last year I have come to realize just how many people struggle with depression and anxiety, and I hate that there are just SO many. But I love that there is so much support out there too, and that it’s becoming more and more okay to admit to these things.

So in the end, after realizing that it simply wasn’t working, I wrote something more simple for that anniversary post and said what I really wanted to say, which is: Thank you for loving me. But I didn’t give up on the rabbit.

I played around with that post some more and eventually decided it was actually about something different. And then it got to a point where I thought it was good enough, so I published it.

And then you all took over.

I’ve had so many incredible comments and messages and re-tweets on that post. It seems I struck a nerve. I keep trying to respond to those comments, and I will, but right now I don’t really know what to say. It’s all making me feel a bit weepy.

So again: Thank you.

On a related note, if you want another glimpse into why it’s so important for us to write about depression and have it be acceptable, go and read the latest post by The Bloggess. Jenny, if you don’t know her already, is absolutely, stunningly hilarious. But she also deals with mental illness. She writes about that pretty openly, but this post really blows the doors off. Go, read, and give her some love.

And now sometimes entirely unrelated…

I wasn’t actually planning to post today because I signed up for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) for January, where the goal is to write a post a day for the whole month. And after I signed up I decided that was crazy, so I intended to cheat (sort of) and just direct you to my Just.Be.Enough. post today. But then you were all so nice and I kind of got sidetracked writing this.

Anyway… I did write a post for Just.Be.Enough. today and it’s about Spanx. See? Entirely unrelated.

I’m going to close comments on this one, so please either visit me at Just.Be.Enough. or go and give Jenny some comment love. (She’s already got over 1,000 comments, but what’s a movement if not something that really takes off?)

R xo

Filed Under: Better world, Happy things, Hard things, Randomness · Tagged With: anxiety, community, depression, going public, gratitude, love, spreading the love, we're not alone

For Charity

October 29, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

When someone struggles, I help. When someone celebrates, I join in. But sometimes it’s a little bit of both, with hard stuff and happy stuff all intertwined, and I’m up for that too.

This is for Charity.

Dear Charity,

I know today you’re thinking back to a year ago when you admitted you needed help and went somewhere you could get it. I know it’s a hard day to think of. But it wasn’t just a hard day – it was the start of something.

Today you don’t have to worry about whether a year from now you will wish you had started today, because you’ve already begun. And you’ve come a long way, baby. Even if you still struggle, you are making progress and you’re where you need to be.

So don’t worry about this day a year ago, or this day a year from now. Focus on today.

You are where you need to be.

Filed Under: Postpartum depression · Tagged With: call for back-up, community, depression, hope, spreading the love, we're not alone

Join the Fight: Depression Awareness Month

October 10, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I wrote yesterday’s post thinking it was a silly confession about overindulging in chips and ice cream. Today, as I entered hour three of being curled up in bed in my parents’ guest room watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory on my laptop (having again vacated our house for showings), my head was finally quiet enough for that little voice to be heard. The one that says, “It’s back. You’re back there.” The one that tries to brush away my cranky exterior enough to get through to me with its message that being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid is a sign of more than just being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid.

It’s the other side of the voice – the usually much louder one – that says, “Life sucks. This is too hard. I don’t want to live with this anymore.”

Today, while I deal with the battle of the voices, I’m sharing a guest post from from Help for Depression. In honor of Depression Awareness Month, they’re hosting a fundraiser for To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA).

***

It is so hard to take care of the house and the kids when you need a fork lift to get out of bed each morning. That is why it’s so important to spread awareness about depression during October, Depression Awareness Month. I would surely like my husband to have more awareness, although generally he is patient and sympathetic with me.

What motivates me to write about Depression Awareness Month is my daughter. She called me from her dorm and said, “Mom, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my homework. What’s the point of all this anyway?” I had hoped none of my children would experience depression. I’ll have to revise my hope.

While searching for information on depression in young adults, I learned that 44% of college students have depressive symptoms. As my daughter would say, “OMG.” How is it possible that so many young people, close to half, are depressed when they’re just out of life’s starting gate? I find it outrageous that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. It can’t be right to ignore these statistics.

How bad does it have to get?

Think about it: if 44% of university students had the flu all at once, it likely would be labeled an epidemic. I think if people realized how big this problem is there would be more concern, or at least the start of more concern.

The other day my ten-year-old said, “Mom, you’re such a crab,” and that was to my face. My husband calls our life boring, and my mother thinks I’m lazy. There is a little truth to the laziness part, but that’s not why the laundry is piled up.

I do not want my daughter to be afraid of people finding out she is depressed.

That is why I am thrilled about Depression Awareness Month. It won’t fix the problem, but it is a start. People need to know what the symptoms are, what resources are available, and those suffering deserve to feel accepted.

As for myself, I want people to know that I do not expect to be babied, and do not feel sorry for myself. I want people who are suffering unnecessarily to find help. I want to purchase my medication without feeling a tinge of shame.

There is an easy way to help

There are people doing more to spread depression awareness than just talking, like me. Help for Depression, a depression resource, and a nonprofit called To Write Love On Her Arms, have joined forces this October to raise money for depression awareness.

If you can click with a mouse, you can make a difference. Go to the Help for Depression Facebook page and click the ‘Like’ button. For each new ‘Like’ given between October 1st and the 15th, $1 is donated towards their $15,000 goal. Please take a few seconds to click and contribute.

About the Author

Jacqueline is a creative writer, published poet, and has an MA in counseling psychology. Her education is backed by 12 years experience as a licensed clinical counselor.

***

When I first “liked” the Help for Depression page, there were only a handful of other likes. Now, not even two weeks later, they’re at almost 10,000. This is clearly an issue that affects a lot of people.

Please click through and click “Like” to help them towards their $15,000 goal. Depression is a horrible thing to live with.

PS You can also find me on Just.Be.Enough. today talking about my current struggles as a parent. Please come and visit me over there and tell me I’m not the only one…

Filed Under: Better world, Hard things · Tagged With: admissions, community, depression, hope

Building Stronger Families, One Mom at a Time

October 4, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I remember the exact day I found Postpartum Progress. November 10, 2010. It was a Wednesday.

I can’t remember exactly how I found it, but I think the site actually found me. That was before I started this blog. It was before I discovered #PPDChat. It was before I really started talking about my experience with PPD. But someone – one of my Facebook friends – posted a link and I clicked on it.

All of a sudden everything seemed a little better. I looked at the definition of postpartum depression and the 6-things series and I noticed, throughout, the tone of acceptance and support and hope. Finding that site turned me around and pointed me in the right direction, and at the time I had only a glimpse of how totally amazing it is.

That day, I sent an email to the site’s founder, Katherine Stone:

Katherine,

Just a quick message to say that I came across your site this morning via a link on Facebook. I immediately grabbed it and sent it to myself to read later, and I’m so glad I saw that one message pop up before I missed the chance to really notice it.

Your site is incredible, and it’s found its way to me at a very opportune time. My perfectionist personality (oh, how that is a factor for me!) has made it very hard to reach out for help. I finally did that nearly a year ago and overall am much better, but this has been a rough week and I’m realizing that I’m not quite there yet.

I’m not sure where this journey will continue to take me, but I’m very grateful to have found your site as I think it will be a good resource for both me and my family.

Robin Farr

Katherine sent this to me in response:

I’m so glad you found Postpartum Progress, and that it has been helpful. It is so normal to have rough weeks in the process of recovery. Just keep doing what you are doing – I am so happy that you reached out for help. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other!!

The content of that short reply sums up everything that is amazing about Katherine and the work she does.

When I created my mama Twitter account and started blogging, I came across Katherine again and have come to know her as a totally supportive, incredibly dedicated woman. When she started her Daily Hope emails earlier this year, I signed up immediately. For months they gave me what I needed to face each day and while I no longer need them, I still get them. A dose of love and support every day – how could I not want that?

I get a lot from Postpartum Progress, and today I’m hoping to give back.

October 5th is the day when more children are born each year than any other day. Today is Strong Start Day.

I’m going to quote directly from Postpartum Progress to explain the significance:

Only 15% of all women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders ever receive professional treatment. This means that each year hundreds of thousands more women and their children may suffer from the negative effects of untreated PPD and related illnesses for the rest of their lives.

Postpartum Progress will change that with your help. We are developing a compelling national awareness campaign for postpartum depression, as well as new and improved patient education materials (the kind new moms won’t throw away!), and new uses of technology to reach suffering moms no matter where they are.

On October 5th, the day when more children are born each year than any other day, I am asking you to do one of three things:

1) Make a donation to Postpartum Progress. Any amount is welcome.

2) Ask at least 2 other people who love you and know what you went through – people who’ve come to know that postpartum depression is real and that all women deserve to have access to the best information and help – to make a donation today in your name.

3) Refer us to contacts at organizations that can help us with our work.

If you are financially unable to donate, send us your prayers or moral support so that we may find the right people to help us make major change.

Today’s the day. Please help us build stronger families, one mom at a time.

Filed Under: Better world, Motherhood, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: community, depression, hope, spreading the love, we're not alone

I’m Not Alone, You’re Not Alone

October 3, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I’ve never struggled with depression.

Except… Oh wait. There was that time in the last semester of my first year of university when I spent a lot of time in bed. A LOT. I stayed there and didn’t want to get up, though I didn’t think much of it at the time.

Then when I was in my 20s, I got sick of feeling sad and hopeless all the time and started logging things. What I ate, exercise, weather – you name it, I put it into a carefully crafted spreadsheet, and it was all mapped against my mood. Eventually the sum of the things that made me feel better – getting enough exercise, sunlight, eating well – led me to feel better overall.

Those times, I wasn’t diagnosed with depression. I never even had a conversation with a doctor about it. I always hated that label. Oddly, though, I remember being asked to fill out a self-identification form for a previous job. “Are you a visible minority?” No. “Are you Aboriginal?” No. “Do you have a disability?” A very small voice in my head piped up. “Does depression count?” I knew it was there, though I was never willing to admit it. (I checked no.)

The excerpt above is from an essay I wrote about depression that appears in anthology called Not Alone: Stories of Living With Depression, which is now available on Amazon. (I know! On Amazon twice in one week! I’m feeling lucky.)

The book is edited by Alise Wright who, in my experience since submitting my piece for consideration, is smart, kind, and funny.

Here’s one of the endorsements for the book:

“When our journeys take us down dark and unfamiliar paths, we don’t need leaders with all the answers; we need friends with open arms. Not Alone brings together the voices of many such friends in essays that are alive with wisdom, honesty, humor, and grace. What makes this book so powerful is the diversity of the stories shared within it. No two journeys through depression are exactly the same, and yet no one needs to travel alone. What a joy it is to see such an impressive assemblage of smart, talented, and creative writers speaking words of hope into the world!” —Rachel Held Evans, popular blogger and author of Evolving in Monkey Town.

Isn’t that great? It totally makes me want to read the other stories.

I never thought I’d be writing this openly about Depression (with a capital D), but this book is about exactly what I know, since starting this blog, to be so important: making people feel less alone.