Let’s Just Name Him Hector

Naming boys is hard. We had this struggle with Connor too – we each had a list (you might remember some of the spectacular names on my husband’s list, which is how we came to refer to this fetus as Hector) but the number of real contenders was few. When he was born, it took us three days and literally going through every name in the baby name book to settle on Connor (which was our first choice all along, but one needs to be sure about these things, you know…).

I again have a list, this time on my iPad. Some of the names have carried over from the last list, but mostly not. My list is fairly long — 23 names as of today — yet none of them feels like the right one. My husband has a list too and every once in a while we sit down and compare.

Our conversations tend to go like this:

Me: “How about this name?”

Him: “That name sounds like someone from the days of yore.”

Me: “What? What kind of a criticism is that? Oh, fine…”

Him: “How about Cicero?”

Me: [Sigh.]

Or like this:

Him: “What about this ‘E’ name?”

Me: “If we used that name his initials would spell ERF.”

Him: “Yarif? Why would you want to name a baby Yarif?!”

Me: “Not Yarif! ERF. You know – E.R.F.”

Him: “Oh good! I thought you were suggesting a name that sounds like barf.”

You can see why we don’t have these conversations very often.

Aside from the obvious communication problems, part of our trouble is that we have so many criteria when choosing a boy name:

  • It can’t be one syllable. (Rich, despite having chosen to go by that name, hates having a short first name and a short last name.)
  • It can’t start with F. (A first name and last name that both start with F just sounds too…cute.)
  • It can’t start with R. (This one is possibly flexible, but with a Rich and a Robin already it seems like another R name would be overdoing it.)
  • It can’t be a name in any way linked to any pop culture reference ever in the history of time. (This is my husband’s rule – “That’s too X-Men.” “That makes me think of Logan’s Run.” If I’d known it would be this much of an issue I’d have prohibited him from watching movies when we first got together 14 years ago.)

Those criteria limit the possibilities quite significantly, but then we run into issues with our last name. With a name like Farr, any name that relates to distance or travelling or similar becomes quite twee.

Walker Farr. Parker Farr. Miles Farr. Hunter Farr.

Sigh. Nope.

(The only good thing about this is that my husband jokes about wanting to name a child Hijk (pronounced Hike) but Hike Farr doesn’t work either, thank goodness.)

Then there’s anything that rhymes with fart. Carter would inevitably become Carter Farter.

Names that echo the sound of our last name don’t really work for a similar reason.

Archer… Farrcher. Hardy…Farrdy.

You just know it’s going to happen.

We’re now three weeks (give or take) from having to figure this out, but no pressure, right?

Maybe Connor is right and we are going to name him Hector after all.

Eight Years

One year ago I was closing doors behind me. I had returned to work after being on leave, had ditched some of the hard-core medication and figured life was returning to normal.

Except there’s no such thing as normal, which I now know and, I think, am better able to accept.

When life spins you around, the path ahead looks different. Even if you end up pointed in the same direction, things are not as they once were.

I thought I would just carry on as before, except that under all those layers of trying to find normal I knew it wasn’t going to work like that. And it didn’t. Instead of carrying on with my job, I quit. We sold our house and moved to another city, another province. I think maybe there was a part of me that thought it would be like sweeping the debris off the path of my past and starting anew.

But that’s not how it works.

After loving the change at first I went through a phase where I felt lost. It seemed as though I had lost not only the stuff in my past but the whole of me. And in that situation, it doesn’t matter which way on the path you’re facing. The road ahead simply looks unnavigable.

Now, though, the road is clear. Or maybe it’s my ability to see it that has improved.

So here I sit, three weeks away from being done with work again as I prepare to go on mat leave for a year. Seven weeks away from my due date with a second child I at one point thought wasn’t meant to be. And eight years from one of the most important days in my life.

Except that important day is in my past.

Eight years ago today I stood up in front of family and friends and cried as I married the man I loved.

At the time I had a very “first comes love” view of what it meant to be getting married and planning a family. We’d carry on, I imagined, simply doing the things we liked to do, eventually adding a kid or two into the mix.

But that’s not how it works.

And in a way I’m glad it’s not. Because if life really was just “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage” I think that would be awfully boring.

Today we’ve been married for eight years. And one thing is for sure – none of it has been boring.

bride and groom reciting vows

Linked up with Pour Your Heart Out.

Stickers for Safety

A few weeks ago we were at the Calgary Stampede and ran into some friends. I looked around and said, “Hey, you’re missing a kid.”

I thought for some reason their middle child hadn’t come with them, but the look on my friend’s face immediately told me that wasn’t the case. It was that combination of What?! and Oh shit as he turned around to look for his son.

They had just walked in the gates but there are throngs of people at that event and they’d walked far enough in that he could have been separated from them in another part of the park. We all started to look around and, as they called the police over to help, I watched my friends’ faces go from Where did he go? to OH MY GOD WHERE IS HE? I can well imagine their panic.

[Read more…]

Grace in Small Things: #5

 peacock full feathers

 

  1. Family members who help. The magnitude of this actually makes it a big thing, but having someone else empty the dishwasher, fold laundry and put the kid to bed is worth mentioning here.
  2. Sunshine and bird song in the morning.
  3. The excitement in the city leading up to a 10-day festival.
  4. A flexible work schedule.
  5. Extra pillows for pregnant tummies.

Waging a battle against embitterment and taking part in Grace in Small Things.

 

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I’m also thankful for others who invite me to share my voice. This week I had two other posts up on sites I regularly contribute to:

On Just.Be.Enough: Being a Mom of Boys – an update on how I’m feeling after finding out this babe isn’t a girl after all.

On Postpartum Progress: On the physicality of motherhood (ugh, but after reading the comments I’m so glad it’s not just me).

Home, Interrupted

We went home for the weekend. Home? I’m not actually sure if it’s the right word anymore.

We were there just over a month ago — my first time back since we moved — and while there I visited a friend.

“How does it feel to be home?” he asked. Then paused. “Is this home?”

We were sitting on the grass in the bright sunshine outside Starbucks. The shopping centre I had been to countless times hummed along, ignorant of my six months’ absence. I looked around.

“I don’t know.” I pondered. “I think so. Yes.”

But is it? I didn’t really feel that way when we got back to where home is now, at least in the literal our-house sense, and I have torn through the nuances of that question many times since.

Is home where we live? Or is it where I grew up?

Is it where my family is? Which part of my family?

Is it wherever I damn well say it is?

I have answers to none of those.

“We’re going home tonight,” we told Connor on the night we planned to leave. I pictured our current house, with the trim color we don’t like and plan to change, and our bedroom, which I love, with its new dark furniture.

That’s where my small but growing family resides. My mugs are in the cupboard and Connor’s toys are in the bath. My husband has nurtured the lawn. My dog has his spot, which, lately, is on the bath mat (whether someone else is using it or not).

My siblings are nearby – two of the three, anyway. My sister and her husband, after way too long being a province away, now live 20 minutes from us. My brother and sister-in-law are about to help double the head count of the next generation by bringing twin boys into our lives. (And if you think I’d miss the day-to-day of that, you’re nuts.)

But my parents are still where we left them, living in the same house they’ve been in since I was 19. Connor misses them, and every time they visit I’m reminded of how important it is for them to be part of his life.

This last trip back was for the 4th annual joint birthday party we have with four kids who have known each other since they were born. They are Connor’s friends, and he doesn’t know a life without them.

Except I suppose he does now, because they are no longer part of his everyday. He talks about them as though they are, though these comments are punctuated with heartbreaking missing-them statements and “Can K come over?” questions.

This year’s party was perfect. The weather co-operated and the kids enjoyed the slip ‘n’ slide, and there were only a few parental interventions required. We snacked, we drank (some of us more boring drinks than others), and if you had asked me if I wanted to stay in that backyard with those people forever I would have said yes.

But we have chosen to leave that backyard, both literally and metaphorically. I often question whether it was the right decision, and yet when I’m back in my hometown it doesn’t feel like home.

For the most part, I don’t miss the city. But I miss the people something fierce, as though a part of me were missing, and it has quite unexpectedly left me feeling homeless in a way I could never have anticipated.