gratitude Archives - Page 5 of 24 -

Good Times

April 4, 2013 by Farewell Stranger ·

If you turn left off our street and then drive just around a short bend, you’ll be driving straight towards a wall of mountains whose view fills the entire horizon. On a clear day every peak and every sheer face of ice and snow is visible. On a sunny day, the light actually reflects off of them.

To get to my parents’ house—20 minutes from here in the adjacent town—I turn right at the end of that road and then take a left. The road leads up and I drive, picking up speed to reach the faster limit as the road turns into highway. My adrenaline and excitement pick up speed as well, and I smile when this sunny song comes on the radio.

A very good friend of mine
Told me something the other day
I’d like to pass it on to you,
‘Cause I believe what he said to be true

We’re here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can’t shine every day

There’s something about this road. To the south is a valley where the land dips out of sight, making it feel as though this highway is at the top of the world.

I love this drive.

It never fails to leave me paused in time, especially on a sunny day (which, around here, come often). Tucked behind trees I see houses and imagine living in them in this beautiful location just beyond the city. Here and there are abandoned barns and the occasional piece of rusting farm equipment. It’s a landscape that speaks to me despite having grown up in a city known more for flowers and ocean than wide open spaces and bales of hay.

Where do you live? Do you notice what’s around you or does the scenery fade into the background of your days? Does anything ever catch your eye?

It’s easy to be overwhelmed by all the stuff we have to do. The first part of my day today was a rush of tidying and cleaning after Connor had a massive nosebleed in the middle of the night. We had blood on clothes, beds, carpets. I was desperate to get the laundry’s critical path right before leaving for a walk with a friend in the afternoon lest we end the day with no sheets and a pile of sopping wet bedding. I managed to get all the beds stripped and one load of laundry started and then another load started and the first load finished before I had to leave the house.

I walked with my friend in the crisp spring air and after our walk I hit the highway.

…Every year has its share of tears,
Every now and then it’s gotta rain

Things aren’t perfect. There’s always laundry and the dishwasher seems to require emptying every time I turn around. Rich has been sick and Connor has been sick and I’m tired. But life can’t be perfect all the time.

We’ve had our share of rain. I certainly did in my last postpartum phase. That wasn’t just rain – it was a massive, ongoing deluge.

But right now life is good.

The sun can’t shine every day, but the rain brings perspective.

I believe that to be true, so while my sun is out I’m going to bask in the good times.

Filed Under: Happy things · Tagged With: favourite activities, gratitude, living life

A Million Moments of Joy

March 13, 2013 by Farewell Stranger ·

Head OVER heels.

OVERtired.

Won me OVER.

OVERachiever.

OVER the moon.

OVER my head.

OVERjoyed.

OVERwhelmed.

These are all things I have felt since becoming a mom. There were times when the OVERwhelmed outweighed the OVERjoyed feelings, and there were definitely times I was OVER it. But one of the things I’ve always tried to do here is talk about ALL the moments – the good, the bad, the ugly-cry moments. I just think it’s important that we talk about how it really is. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Motherhood, Stuff I like · Tagged With: gratitude, I was paid for this but it doesn't mean I'm not genuinely interested, moments, photos

Living in the Light

February 21, 2013 by Farewell Stranger ·

Rich and I had a fight not long after Ethan was born. We had both been sick – him first and then me. I got really sick. And I got pink eye. Twice. And, as is the way with many breastfeeding moms, I was up at night while Rich slept. And, as is the way with many moms who are up in the night while their partners sleep, I was cranky about it because being up so much made it hard to get better. And that’s what caused the fight.

I won’t get into all the picky details, but it was about sleep – the too-little of it I was getting, and my perception that he wasn’t helping me out as much as he could have. And then he pointed out that when he was at home and I was working when Connor was little he never got a sick day either.

“You didn’t ask for help!” I countered.

“I did,” he replied, much more calmly than was probably warranted.

The thing is, I have no recollection of that. I don’t recall him being sick and me going off to work leaving him to fend for himself (and the energetic two-year-old).

I don’t recall a lot of things from that time.

This is one of the things about postpartum depression that — in my experience, anyway — is so hard to deal with. It’s like living in a fog, except that fog leaves those weeks or months completely socked in so that there’s never a clear picture of them, even afterwards. My particular fog was built from my anger — my rage — as if spewed forth from a fog machine I couldn’t turn off.

But it’s not like I don’t remember anything from that timeframe. Just certain things. Often big things. It’s come up in conversation a few times, where someone will be recalling something, and every single time I’ll think, “I have absolutely no recollection of that.” It just doesn’t exist as a page in my memory book. Whether torn out or never properly recorded I don’t know. It’s just not there.

I’m not really sure the point of telling you this, except to say that this time is different.

Now, I know when I’m being a bitch. I know when I’m picking a fight (and sometimes I do it anyway). I know when I’m not doing what I need to do for myself.

It doesn’t always make it easier to do what I need to do, but at least this time I’m living in the light.

***

Speaking of happy things, I’ve heard about three recently that are making the world a better place and I’d like to share them with you:

For the first time, there’s a product dedicated to helping fight postpartum depression. Jammies are the creation of Hélène Laure, a fashion designer whose clothing designs for women have been sold to such specialty stores as Henri Bendel, Bloomingdales, Bergdorf Goodman and Saks Fifth Avenue. Helene wanted to create a new business that gives back, so she designed Jammies with the intention of helping to benefit moms with postpartum depression. For each Jammies Jar sold, Helene’s company, Two Mice, A Bear and A Bunny LLC, will donate 10% of the profit to Postpartum Progress, the national nonprofit that raises awareness of postpartum depression and promotes better support and services for pregnant and new mothers with mental illness.

These onesies are so cute (perfect for gifts). Here’s the description:

“100% pure cotton onesies for boys and girls made from a soft and breezy light gauge cotton Jersey that are are uniquely packaged in a sweet little jam jar. The design is reminiscent of the all-American long john, with its henley tab closing and ribbed cuffs, and a flirty ruffle added to the girls’ style. Mr. Bear, Lily (the bunny) and Cinnamon & Ginger (the identical mouse twins) are the delightfully hand-drawn characters featured on Jammies onesies.”

You can see read more about them (and order them) on the Jammies page on Postpartum Progress.

——

PeaceLove is working to combat the stigma against mental illness. One of the biggest ways they’re helping is through their giveback program: for each PeaceLove tee purchased, they give away a free expressive arts class to a child affected by mental illness. They just launched a tee campaign with the hopes of giving away 100 free expressive art classes (and they’re really close!).

——

February 27 is Pink Shirt Day, an anti-bullying campaign supporting Boys and Girls Clubs/Big Brothers Big Sisters. If you’re in Calgary, you can get an official pink shirt at any London Drugs. (And if you’re not, wear a pink shirt anyway.)

Filed Under: Happy things, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: admissions, gratitude, rage

Connorisms

January 13, 2013 by Farewell Stranger ·

Yes, four is a very special age. It’s in-your-face hard and great at inducing mama guilt. But it’s also precious, funny, and so worth remembering.

I’ve had several very earnest thank-yous from Connor since Ethan was born. Many, in fact. He waited a long time for this baby, and he loves his little brother more than I could have anticipated.

“Thank you for laying a baby,” he told me one day. (If only it were that easy.)

“Mama, I love you,” he said on another. “I love you too, buddy,” I said, but he was not to be outdone. “I love you MORE, because you made me a baby.”

What can you do but laugh? And hug him, of course.

He’s not lacking in confidence. Not about most things anyway.

“I know all about babies and you don’t.” (All righty, then.)

“I’m going to keep working on [his LEGO creation] because big boys like me NEVER give up.” (It’s true – he doesn’t.)

He did not get his skill with LEGO from me. He can play with it for HOURS, and he’s putting together things way beyond what he should be able to do at his age. And if you give him the LEGO he wants for Christmas, you’ll be rewarded with this.

Pure joy.

But, oh, he’s a mischief maker too. You can see it in his four-year-old face, can’t you?

If we nail him for something and he doesn’t like it, the admonishment will ring throughout the house: “Bad parenting!” he’ll say, sounding very much like he means it. (Again, we laugh. But not where he can see us.)

His sass comes through in his language and the requests we can’t refuse.

“Can I get a little help here?”

At times he seems much older than he is.

At others, he’s very much a little boy.

“Mama, can I have some time with you?”

These polar bears are a Christmas art installation at a local mall. Except Connor calls them, “snowlar bears.”
I think that makes more sense, don’t you?

And he likes to wear his clothes backwards.

Because he’s four.

Filed Under: Conversations with Connor, Motherhood · Tagged With: family, gratitude, photos

Explore: Life in Pictures, Vol. 1

January 7, 2013 by Farewell Stranger ·

I wrote a post just about exactly one year ago about all the things I wanted to do in 2012. It was part of wanting to live in a vibrant way and I was totally excited. And then about a week later I got pregnant. And I spent about, oh, 8 1/2 months feeling like crap. So we didn’t do all the things I wanted to do, which was okay because we did some of them and the rest are there waiting.

Some people might think we’re crazy for moving to a place with the fabled Canadian winter, but I love it. I love snow, and we get a lot of sun, and it’s not as cold as you might think and when it is we just dress for it.

It’s exhilarating.

Lately we’ve been driving around doing things and I keep thinking, “I’m so glad we moved here. I belong here.” And I feel so lucky and grateful.

This year I want to revisit that list of things I want to do. I want to EXPLORE.

We’ve started already.

One day it was a visit to a tower that I’ve had a fondness for since I was a child.

Looking up.

We looked way out past the buildings, past the river, past the houses to the mountains. And we looked down. Way down.

Looking down.

I’m going strong on my latest life list quest — exercising for 30 days straight — and have been treated to some wonderous things in the process.

Winter sunset

And we’ve ventured a little farther from home as well. To the mountains, of course.

In Banff

Just out of the frame on the left were some elk. Big ones, with big antlers (just far away enough that I couldn’t get a decent picture with my iPhone). And my husband smiled at me and said, “I love that you get so excited about seeing stuff like this.”

I do get excited about things like this and I’m not afraid to admit it. Choosing to get excited about seeing elk at the side of a frozen river is just one of the things that makes life interesting, don’t you think?

But sometimes the things I get excited about are right there on my very own couch, and I feel so lucky and grateful for that too.