What’s in a Name?

This blog had a bit of a rebirth last night. When I first carved out a space for myself here I gave no thought to what it would be called. This is unusual for me, because normally I think about these things. But I was ready to write so carried on regardless.

With those first thoughts on the page, an identity formed. An identity that needed a name.

But what to call it?

I thought about it for a bit. Kept a mental list of words and criteria and  definitely-nots. Then one night I tweeted about this conundrum. I had intended to send this tweet out to the Twittersphere and then go to bed while waiting to see where it led me, but then someone responded. It was Kris from Pretty All True. For those who don’t know her let me just say that when Kris offers to help think of a name, you don’t turn off your computer and go to sleep.

In an attempt to make a long story short, the process basically went like this:

Kris had been listening to the Magnolia soundtrack and suggested some song names from that that seemed to fit.

I liked her suggestions.

In looking at the list, another song title jumped out at me: “Goodbye, Stranger” by Supertramp.

It stuck in my head even after I played around with some other names.

A week or so went by and, on a lazy Saturday afternoon, I started thinking about a name again.

I went back to the messages from Kris.

I went back to “Goodbye, Stranger.”

I suggested it to my husband.

He pointed out that the song is about a one-night stand (or recovering from drug addiction, depending on who you believe).

I paused.

True to form, he came back with another – better – suggestion.

And thus, “Farewell, Stranger” was born.

The name suits me for a number of reasons. In telling this story, I’m saying goodbye to a version of myself that I didn’t know and didn’t understand. I think that’s what jumped out at me with the Supertramp song. But whether I care about the one-night stand connection or not (and I’m not sure I really do) “fare well” works better, because this is about getting better – my wish for myself and my attempt to finally make it happen.

It’s also about taking off my mask and – slowly – letting people see past the person I’ve pretended to be.

And, without trying to be too corny, it’s about opening myself up to the community of people I’ve found here and seeing their experiences instead of only seeing my own.

So farewell, stranger and welcome to whatever comes next.

What If

Of course that would happen. The night I write about my thoughts about postpartum depression as a mental illness (or not) I mistakenly tweet the post from my “professional” account instead of my mom/PPD account. That figures. Really, it does. That’s just the way my life tends to work.

I knew that would happen eventually. I guess that’s the problem with tweeting when I’m tired – I don’t pay attention to which picture of me is associated with which account. And out it goes.

I didn’t realize I’d done that until this morning when I got an @-reply from someone I work with who commented on it. Got that full-on, heart-stopping panic again. Tried to push it down, but the Oh.My.God took over. But, to give myself some credit, I had a good freak out and then I realized there wasn’t much I could do about it if people had seen it. (Okay, before coming to that logical realization I deleted the tweet. I’m not that courageous yet.)

A good friend and colleague – who was already in the know and who was the lucky audience for my freak-out – always says the right sort of calming things, and he came through again. In addition to walking me through the “So what? Some people might know now” process, he did what he always does. He cracked jokes.

“Social media sucks.”

Cue laughter. Yes, it does sometimes.

“Don’t you hate it when the real you breaks through the person you pretend to be?”

Ha ha. Also funny. And also true.

But then he asked the provocative question.

“What if the good thing about this is that you don’t have to pretend anymore? What if that mask can come off now?”

What if.