The Envelope Please
June 1, 2012 by ·
We went for the 18-week ultrasound yesterday. (Except it was 20 weeks, but whatever.) Card and envelope in hand, we went in planning to ask the tech to write down baby’s gender and seal the card for us to open later if we chose to. Apparently, though, the clinic has a policy about not writing anything down. (Previous issues with handwriting? Who knows.) In any case, she said she’d note it on one of the pictures so we could find out that way.
This was great in theory.
We picked up the pictures from the front desk and didn’t peek. We went out for brunch and didn’t peek. We got home, put the envelope on the counter and didn’t peek.
I was so very tempted to. My husband would have opened it up right away, but I was still wavering about whether or not I wanted to know. I did but I didn’t. I wanted to know but didn’t want to lose the possibility of one or the other.
And then my sister dropped by on her way home from work right as my husband was about to leave for a class.
Oh screw it, I said. Let’s open it.
I peered down into the 8.5×11 envelope, still not really wanting to look. My husband, bless his heart, didn’t rip it out of my hands.
But I couldn’t do it, so I handed it to them. You look!
I held my breath while my husband took the page of pictures out of the envelope. He and my sister scanned it in silence for a moment while I waited for some sign on their faces that they knew. But none came.
They scanned again. Hands, feet, spine, ankles – all kinds of body parts were labelled but not the one we were looking for. I came around and looked with them. All the pictures were the ones we’d already seen, and none looked like one that might have been taken when the tech turned our screen off. There was no label – no GIRL or BOY – that gave us we were looking for. And believe me, we looked.
So much for that.
My husband intends to call the clinic today to see if he can find out, but I’m less optimistic that they’ll tell him anything over the phone. So maybe we will get to find out, and maybe we won’t.
Do you think this is a sign that we’re not supposed to know?
Still a cute little peanut, isn't s/he?
10 Things I Couldn’t Be Enough Without
May 20, 2012 by ·
This week on Just.Be.Enough the Be Enough Me prompt is “10 things I couldn’t be enough without.” I’m interested to see where people take this – Elena is hosting on the blog today and she did something totally different with the post than what I’ve done. More intellectual and reflective, I’d say, but this list is what came to mind for me.
So — trusting that you know that family and friends and health and all that are part of my essentials — here’s a list of what keeps me sane and makes me who I am.
1. Alone time – I need some every day. I go nuts without it.
Image credit: Jake Bouma on Flickr
2. Chapstick – Totally addicted. For life it seems. I just hate having dry lips (and hands, for that matter).
Image credit: ecstaticist on Flickr
3. Two litres of water a day – I’ve been a huge water drinker for years. I down at least two litres a day, often more. I do not feel at all myself without it.
Image credit: The Ilr on Flickr
4. Perspective – In any form. A new point of view or a change of scenery does wonders for my state of mind, which is one reason I love to travel. Nothing challenges my world view like being somewhere else.
Image credit: eschipul on Flickr
5. Chocolate ice cream – Because, duh.
Image credit: Joyosity on Flickr
6. Sunshine – Another thing that can make all the difference. That’s one of the things I’ve loved about having moved – we had way more sun this winter than we used to get.
Image credit: mendhak on Flickr
7. Cheerios – This is likely (hopefully) not going to be a life-long thing, but right now I need something I can eat first thing in the morning so I don’t give up and go back to bed. (19 weeks and I still need them. How am I going to make it through five more months of this?!)
Image credit: Nebraska Becky on Flickr
8. A shower – Cannot.function.without.
Image credit: PhotoAtelier on Flickr
9. Sleep – I knew this about myself before I had a baby so there wasn’t really any need to reinforce it, but one thing is certain: I need sleep to stay sane. Probably now more than ever.
Image credit: Casey David on Flickr
10. This blog – It has shaped my identity in ways I never imagined. Thank you for being here with me.
Away
May 1, 2012 by ·
We (the collective we) do this all the time, don’t we? We say, “We should go away for the weekend.” Or, “I need a vacation.” We look wistfully at pictures of serene (or exciting) places and reminisce about the last time we had a proper vacation. And then we sigh and carry on.
I’m horrible about doing this. I work for an airline and the only time I used my flight benefits in the last four months was to go to Blissdom (which was handy, to be sure). People I work with go to Vegas for the weekend or to the next province for the afternoon. Or to Amsterdam for 3 days.
I’m not quite that ambitious, but we have talked about going to San Diego for a weekend. I’d like to go back home and see friends and family. I’d really like to book myself a tropical vacation but it might be a while before that happens. (Although… baby-moon? Maybe.)
As we were coming up to Easter I started to muse aloud about going away for the weekend. Just an hour from here, into the mountains. We needed a change of scenery.
So we went.
Frozen, but not for long.
As is typical, it was a last-minute decision. My mom had come to visit and my brother had gone to Australia (for two days – on flight benefits. See what I mean?) and my pregnant-with-twins sister-in-law was here on her own. So we decided to take them with us.
Somewhere in there, they're fly fishing under the coal bridge.
It took me a while to find a place that (a) had a vacancy and (b) would be able to sleep our odd assortment of family. But I found one, we shipped the dog to my mother-in-law’s and went.
We didn’t even do a lot – none of the adventurous things I had been pondering. We went for dinner. We went for lunch. We hid Easter eggs. And we walked.
A ha! O ho! Tracks in the snow. Whose are these tracks and where do they go?*
Out there in the silence, with occasional sounds of crunching snow, it’s easy to feel like a mere speck in the universe. Other things fade away and life’s most basic things are what feel important. Like sunshine and flowing water. Like tracks of animals who came before and who worry less about work-life balance and more about the balance of existence.
Every kid has to rattle a stick on a bridge once in his life.
And like the first time a small boy rattles a stick on a metal bridge.
Who was Daisy? And did she find peace in the mountains?
This environment suggests quiet and observation. It makes me stop and think. And it leaves me with a feeling I can’t describe.
No words necessary.
Which is fine, because sometimes no words are necessary.
*For bonus points, name that (very good) children’s book.
Motherhood and Toothpaste
April 17, 2012 by ·
Motherhood.
What some people would have you believe:
The reality:
Linked up with Memories Captured.
***
Next Monday, April 23rd, Be Enough Me is taking on the topic of labels with a special prompt inspired by Ashely Judd, called Change the Conversation.
It’s time to look past the obvious.
We’re inviting posts from voices everywhere to share your labels and who you are beyond that. The focus is whatever you need it to be – from our lives as moms, dads, parents, spouses, professionals, survivors, athletes and more. We invite you to join us, to celebrate our strengths, to celebrate our diversity, to celebrate our voices and change the conversation.
Join us on Just.Be.Enough next Monday for the very special link-up. We can’t wait to take the conversation by storm with our voices.
