Confession: This post is not coming together. And it feels like the opposite of what I’m supposed to write. But I need to say it.
A couple of weeks ago, Ashley Judd blasted media in a piece on The Daily Beast. In this smart (very smart) article, she took people to task for speculating on her puffy appearance and, in doing so, reducing women to their most superficial attributes.
If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s fascinating.
I pointed this piece out to our Just.Be.Enough team because it fits perfectly with the theme of that blog. We talked about it and decided it was a great prompt for a link-up: Who are you beyond your labels? We’re helping to Change the Conversation.
I’ve had labels applied to me. We all have. Some of them are kind, others spiteful. Some are ignorant, and some hit a little too close to home.
It would be easy to say, I am more than a PPD survivor. I am more than “just” a mom. I am more than any of those obvious labels. But it’s not the obvious labels I want to shed today.
For the past two years, in particular, I’ve been described using a lot of very kind words. Strong. Smart. A good mom.
I’m just so capable.
Except sometimes I don’t feel that way.
And this is where I got stuck writing this.
It seems silly to say, “I don’t want to be labelled as strong.” But sometimes I don’t. There are times when I admit to struggling and I ask for help, and to say, you’ll be okay – you’re strong overlooks the fact that in that moment I’m not.
I think this is the flip side of talking about mental health. Yes, it’s okay to talk about it. No, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it also needs to be okay to say I’m not okay and have that be recognized as part of this process. It leads to important questions, like What do you need to be okay? and to the support inherent in saying, I don’t expect you to just get better.
“Good” labels can be stifling. Someone can be strong and… Strong and struggling. Strong and tired. Strong and just plain in need of support.
If we’re going to get rid of labels, we need to accept the whole person. We need to be able to say, I accept that about you and give you the space to either work through that or let that be part of who you are.
No matter what the label, we need to accept people for who they are—even just in that moment—not what we want them to be.
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I’d like to say a huge thank you to my beautiful friend Angela from Tread Softly for helping me think through this and for making it okay to post about something that kind of feels like a whine.
About the Change the Conversation link-up:
It is time to look past the obvious for ourselves and our families. We’re inviting posts from voices everywhere to share your labels and who you are beyond that. The focus is whatever you need it to be– from our lives as moms, dads, parents, spouses, to professionals, survivors, athletes and more. We invite you to join us, to celebrate our strengths, to celebrate our diversity, to celebrate our voices and change the conversation.
We hope you will read, comment, link up, and explore the stories of others who have linked.
