Dear Had-Enough Girl

Last Wednesday was not a good day. In fact it was a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.*

By that point we had been in our new house for a week and a half. We had no furniture except the bed we’d bought when we got here and while hanging out in an empty house with no furniture sounds kind of fun, it’s only actually fun for about a day and a half.

The people who lived here before us had a cat. A big, hairy one. I like cats, but I’m horribly allergic to them so being in the vicinity of a cat (or the evidence of a cat) for a prolonged period makes me fairly cranky. And this cat left evidence. There was cat hair everywhere, which we attempted to resolve by vacuuming and steam cleaning the carpets. And washing the windows because there was cat hair stuck to them. But then we discovered that the washing machine and dryer here do a lovely job of pasting cat hair to our clothes, and that was really the last straw.

By last Wednesday I was beyond cranky. I was downright miserable, and making life downright miserable for the two boys and one dog who live with me.

I had been trying to stave off the rage by tromping through snow and chasing sunsets but on Wednesday it wasn’t working. I was sick of the cat hair. I was sick of not having enough cutlery and enough towels. I was sick of someone else’s washer and dryer and desperately wanted to get our new ones delivered already.

I’d had enough.

And then—as it is wont to do—the Universe intervened.

First, a bit of backstory: Several months ago I subscribed to Daily Truths from the Brave Girls Club. (They’re called “A little bird told me…” How perfect is that?) More frequently than I would have expected that daily truth hit on exactly the thing I was struggling with. But then for some reason I stopped getting them. I tried to resubscribe but no dice. With everything else going on I didn’t worry about it, especially since I caught some of them on Facebook.

Anyway, on Wednesday evening, as I was starting to wonder exactly how hard it would be to invent a fast forward button for the bits of life I really didn’t want to have to live through, I saw one of those daily truths on Facebook. I normally skip over those when I’m in a bad mood, but I clicked on that one.

Those who wish to sing always find a song.

Artist: Sally Rose

“Dear Had-Enough Girl,” it said, and I knew it was talking to me.

“First, just take a second and breathe, ok?…deep deep deeply breathe in and out. Close your eyes for a second and remember that it’s ok if you feel completely overwhelmed at the tasks that are ahead for you… It’s okay if you want to throw a fit some days and let someone else be in charge. 

So do it…throw a fit for a few minutes.”

I love unexpected messages that completely enable me.

And then kick me me in the pants.

“Now that you’ve got that out of your system…think for a minute about how you want the rest of the day…and tomorrow to go. How you really want to feel, what you really want to accomplish, where you really want to end up…and decide right this second that you are going to do ONE THING to take a step in that direction.”

All right, little bird. Message received. Time to take a deep breath and get my priorities straight.

Thursday was MUCH better.

 

*With thanks to Judith Viorst for such a perfect descriptor.

If  you like, you can read that daily truth in its entirety.

Do you have a source of daily inspiration? Does it ever hit the nail on the head?


Come and visit us at Just.Be.Enough. this week. We have a giveaway for a totally inspiring book!

Our stuff has arrived

Finally. We’re all one med dose away from an insane asylum.

moving-truck-arrives

Excuse me while I disappear for a bit to unpack. Further updates as events warrant.

Are you done with this boy?

Living in a new house in a new city with no furniture and no routine and a toddler who’s getting bored is fun. Really fun.

Okay it sucks.

I think I officially ran out of patience today. And my husband is sick again, so he’s not the happiest camper either.

I tried to address the situation by taking Connor to the park today to frolic in the snow and build a snowman, but it was a spectacular failure. (Did you read The Snowman Test of Motherhood? I haven’t passed yet.) Between that, a request to “fix” his Lego monster truck 46 times, and one of those million-questions kinds of days, I had had enough by about 3 p.m.

That’s probably when I should have realized going to a restaurant across town for dinner with my mother-in-law was a bad idea. But no! We had a gift certificate and we wanted to go because it’s a place we like. Let’s just say it didn’t go so well, and that’s why my husband and I looked at each other across the table and laughed when this conversation took place:

Connor: “Dad, why did you give me ALL the croutons?”

Dad: “Because that way you’ll have them if she comes back and asks if we’re done with this bowl.”

Connor: “Did you say ‘if we’re done with this BOY‘?”

free tag[Commence smirking.]

What? You would have found it appealing too. At least the salad bowl doesn’t poke other diners and talk in an outside voice in the middle of the restaurant.

 

Chasing Sunsets

We’ve lived here for a week. It feels like our house although it doesn’t yet feel like home.

Late last week it snowed. A lot. I watched it come down, my response to this first snowfall as a permanent resident of this winter town nothing less than total glee. I love snow like no one else I know.

deep-snow-backyard

I have two boys who have been sick on and off since we arrived (I suspect their tummies react to stress like my back does, which is to say angrily) and a dog who appears to be settling in all right, although for the first few days he was velcroed to us like a shadow, desperate to make sure he wasn’t left behind in this strange new place.

But he, too, likes the snow. We’ve been walking, up and down streets, exploring this strange new place. There are jack rabbits on the streets and at night they bound ahead of us, surprising me. I’m not used to them – deer yes, large rabbits no. Surely nothing with that much bounce and determination could be a bunny, I think, but they are, their ears and large hind legs coming clear under the street lights.

We’re the last community at the western-most edge of the city—the city limit sign is right around the corner—and when we head out from home it’s just a couple of turns and a short stretch of road before we get to the outer edge. That’s my favourite thing so far. We round a bend in the road and there before us are mountains as far as the eye can see – right to left, the whole horizon is filled with snow-covered crags. It’s as though you can see the whole of the Canadian Rockies right there outside our doorstep. My breath catches every time. I will never tire of it.

Tonight I was coming home from the grocery store at sunset and it looked like the mountains were on fire. Large swaths of pink and blue, with one peak a fiery gold. I chased the sunset – driving up and down streets looking for the best view. No photo I took did it justice. I could have stayed out there forever watching the sun rise and fall, rise and fall, leaving the mountains alight.

winter-sunset

We don’t yet have our stuff (though we bought a new bed, and thank goodness). Apparently the rest may arrive tomorrow and we’ll finally be able to settle in. I’ve been living on anxiety and adventure, swinging from one to the next like a monkey on a vine. I’m looking forward to less of the former and more of the latter. I’m looking forward to furniture and a shorter to-do-to-get-settled-in list. I’m looking forward to tromping through snow and chasing more sunsets.

Chasing sunsets is good for the soul.

 

Linked up with:

Book Review: The Lake of Dreams

I’ve never been part of a book club – the idea of having to read something on a schedule always seemed like too much pressure. And what if I didn’t like the book but felt obligated to finish it? What if I didn’t have anything intelligent to say? All those worries seem to go away when you’re a mom with a job and little time to read. Sometimes being “forced” to read something other than Curious George’s latest escapade is actually a good thing.

I joined the BlogHer Book Club with this in mind, and it’s been great. I’ve liked the books we’ve read so far, and the latest is no different.

Lake of Dreams coverThe Lake of Dreams by Kim Edwards (author of The Memory Keeper’s Daughter) is great for escapism. It took a while for me to get into it, and I found the early parts of the mystery that’s central to the story a bit cryptic. A few too many references to history and characters meant to sound intriguing but who, at that point, I felt no connection to. But with the journey of Lucy, the main character, and the meaning-of-life element, I knew it was going somewhere good.

The Lake of Dreams is Lucy’s hometown, where she returns after her mother has an accident. She’s looking for meaning in her own life—having flown home from Japan, where she lives with her boyfriend Yoshi without a job to keep her fulfilled—and immediately dives into her family’s history. Everything from her father’s relationship with his brother to his untimely death swirls around Lucy, causing angst and setting a questioning tone. But when she finds old papers, including letters written by a mystery woman, things start to get interesting.

I didn’t entirely buy the premise—that a whole family history, including secrets formerly unknown, could be unravelled by a seemingly coincidental discovery of hidden papers—but if you apply the suspend-disbelief philosophy it’s an intriguing read. It’s not a terribly intellectual one (though sometimes that’s just what a tired mom needs) but one of the aspects of the BlogHer Book Club I like most is the chance to pretend I’m in high school English again and pick apart a book at a level deeper than what my brain can process in the few minutes before I fall asleep at night. Come and join in – the first question (Do you act from love or from anger?) has me hooked already.

 

This was a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.