Robin | Farewell Stranger

Blue

October 11, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

With some distance, I wonder what Connor will think of all this when he’s older.

Will he understand my struggle?

Will he think it was about him?

Will he be embarrassed that I put this much of it out there?

I don’t think he will.

In fact I’m willing to bet he won’t.

You see, we know it’s okay now.

One day, long after her streaks have faded, he will come across a picture of his Grandma – my mom – with blue hair.

He will see a newspaper article with a picture of her – blue hair and all – sitting between his dad and I.

And he will know what that brilliant shock of blue means: It’s okay to ask for help.

And if he asks I’ll give him nothing but love.

Just like my mother did for me.

With thanks to Paul and the staff at Chamberlain Walk hair salon for supporting my mom’s fundraising for mental health and suicide prevention.

If you’d like to make a contribution you can do that here. If my mom raises $4000 she’ll dye her whole head blue (and I really, really want to see that).

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Music in the video is “Blue” by July for Kings. Lovely, isn’t it?

Filed Under: Better world, Happy things, Motherhood, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: community, family, gratitude, hope, love, my wish for you, we're not alone

Join the Fight: Depression Awareness Month

October 10, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I wrote yesterday’s post thinking it was a silly confession about overindulging in chips and ice cream. Today, as I entered hour three of being curled up in bed in my parents’ guest room watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory on my laptop (having again vacated our house for showings), my head was finally quiet enough for that little voice to be heard. The one that says, “It’s back. You’re back there.” The one that tries to brush away my cranky exterior enough to get through to me with its message that being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid is a sign of more than just being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid.

It’s the other side of the voice – the usually much louder one – that says, “Life sucks. This is too hard. I don’t want to live with this anymore.”

Today, while I deal with the battle of the voices, I’m sharing a guest post from from Help for Depression. In honor of Depression Awareness Month, they’re hosting a fundraiser for To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA).

***

It is so hard to take care of the house and the kids when you need a fork lift to get out of bed each morning. That is why it’s so important to spread awareness about depression during October, Depression Awareness Month. I would surely like my husband to have more awareness, although generally he is patient and sympathetic with me.

What motivates me to write about Depression Awareness Month is my daughter. She called me from her dorm and said, “Mom, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my homework. What’s the point of all this anyway?” I had hoped none of my children would experience depression. I’ll have to revise my hope.

While searching for information on depression in young adults, I learned that 44% of college students have depressive symptoms. As my daughter would say, “OMG.” How is it possible that so many young people, close to half, are depressed when they’re just out of life’s starting gate? I find it outrageous that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. It can’t be right to ignore these statistics.

How bad does it have to get?

Think about it: if 44% of university students had the flu all at once, it likely would be labeled an epidemic. I think if people realized how big this problem is there would be more concern, or at least the start of more concern.

The other day my ten-year-old said, “Mom, you’re such a crab,” and that was to my face. My husband calls our life boring, and my mother thinks I’m lazy. There is a little truth to the laziness part, but that’s not why the laundry is piled up.

I do not want my daughter to be afraid of people finding out she is depressed.

That is why I am thrilled about Depression Awareness Month. It won’t fix the problem, but it is a start. People need to know what the symptoms are, what resources are available, and those suffering deserve to feel accepted.

As for myself, I want people to know that I do not expect to be babied, and do not feel sorry for myself. I want people who are suffering unnecessarily to find help. I want to purchase my medication without feeling a tinge of shame.

There is an easy way to help

There are people doing more to spread depression awareness than just talking, like me. Help for Depression, a depression resource, and a nonprofit called To Write Love On Her Arms, have joined forces this October to raise money for depression awareness.

If you can click with a mouse, you can make a difference. Go to the Help for Depression Facebook page and click the ‘Like’ button. For each new ‘Like’ given between October 1st and the 15th, $1 is donated towards their $15,000 goal. Please take a few seconds to click and contribute.

About the Author

Jacqueline is a creative writer, published poet, and has an MA in counseling psychology. Her education is backed by 12 years experience as a licensed clinical counselor.

***

When I first “liked” the Help for Depression page, there were only a handful of other likes. Now, not even two weeks later, they’re at almost 10,000. This is clearly an issue that affects a lot of people.

Please click through and click “Like” to help them towards their $15,000 goal. Depression is a horrible thing to live with.

PS You can also find me on Just.Be.Enough. today talking about my current struggles as a parent. Please come and visit me over there and tell me I’m not the only one…

Filed Under: Better world, Hard things · Tagged With: admissions, community, depression, hope

Maternity Clothes for the Not Pregnant

October 9, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

My husband came home with Doritos the other day. Cool Ranch ones. A big bag.

You can see where this is going.

Junk food, for me, is a very slippery slope. I can sometimes manage just a little bit, which I indulge in sometimes just to test the theory that you should eat a small amount in order to avoid bingeing as a result of abstaining altogether. But the line between just a little bit and oh-so-yummy is pretty fine.

So I ate the Doritos. Not all the Doritos, but more than my fair share. And then a day or so later I wanted to finish the end of the bag, which would have been a nice, reasonable, moderate amount, but then the dog ate them. (Seriously. That’s not a dog-ate-my-Doritos lie.) I could have taken that as a sign, but by that point I really wanted Doritos. So I bought some more. Cool Ranch ones. A big bag.

Hey, don’t judge. They go so nicely with the Coke I’m addicted to.

Then there was last week’s Really Bad Day. On my way home from work I stopped at the grocery store to pick up something for dinner and while I was there my mom called my cell phone. I ended up crying in the middle of the grocery store. So I tweeted this…

…and damn if Twitter didn’t enable me. So many “Yes! Do it!” “Get chocolate!” “Buy sprinkles and whipped cream too!” suggestions that I couldn’t let people down. I bought the chocolatest ice cream I could find, grabbed the Kleenex, and bawled through two bowls of it.

It’s possible this is all emotional eating related to recent stress.

I thought about posting this as my “Be Enough Me” post last week, but I honestly wasn’t prepared to commit to doing anything about it. Last week was worse, but I’m still not sure if I’m ready. After sliding down that slippery slope into the ditch, however, I have to at least admit to it. Especially because this is totally unlike me. I usually do the moderation thing fairly well, but right now not at all. And I’m not exercising at all either.

The other day I tore a giant hole in the knee of the only jeans I have that fit me right now. This morning I mentioned that to a friend, who sympathized with the tight clothes predicament, and we got into a conversation about how elastic-waist maternity pants are really quite comfortable. I should probably do something about my eating habits before I get to that point, huh? Especially since my maternity jeans are packed away in a very inaccessible location…

I need something – some sort of catalyst – to prompt me to change.

The upside to this is that I finally have cleavage but, to use a friend’s expression, that’s not a good trade. I’m enough me as I am. I really don’t think having more of me would be a good thing.

Every MONDAY join us…
Write, post, link up, share your story and your voice.
Be part of carrying the weight of confidence and share our mission
to empower, inspire, and remind women, parents, and children
that the time has come to celebrate ourselves!

Next week’s prompt: What Fuels You?

(Remember you can also write on a topic of your choice.)

Filed Under: Be enough me, Hard things · Tagged With: admissions, Be enough me

The Story of the Magic Shirt

October 8, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

[Update: It looks like this partnership is over so I’ve updated links. But it’s still a good fairytale.]

Once upon a time there was a boy in a blue shirt.

It was a nice blue shirt. The fabric was really soft and it was good for napping in.

One day while wearing the shirt, the boy concentrated really hard, trying to hold up two fingers.

It turns out that’s hard to do when you’re three.

But it didn’t matter, because this shirt was a magic shirt – the kind that looks like one shirt but is actually two (even if you can’t get your fingers to show that).

You see, Olive Juice clothing has partnered with Clothes4Souls to provide clothing to children around the world who need it.

For every item of clothing purchased, Olive Juice will give another piece of clothing to a child in need through Clothes4Souls, the clothing division of Soles4Souls.

That makes the boy in the blue shirt very happy.

The End

***

When Soles4Souls asked me if I’d help let people know about this charitable program, I didn’t hesitate. It’s a great cause.

And, people, their stuff is cute. That incredibly handsome boy up there is wearing the marin tee (with some room to grow into it, yay!).

So check it out, will you? Buy something adorable for a special occasion. Start shopping for Christmas. Get a shower gift for the next new baby in your life. Remember, these clothes are magic. For every one you buy through Olive Juice Gives, a child who needs clothing gets a piece too.

(And if I have a girl, someone please buy that Blair sweater dress for me, will you? Swoon.)

I was given one item of clothing for posting about this partnership but was otherwise not compensated (except, hopefully, for a smidge of good karma). All opinions, and the awesome fairytale above, are my own.

Filed Under: Better world, Happy things ·

Message in an Ebook

October 7, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

The evening quiet of a house after a toddler goes to sleep is like a grand piano after a concert. The sudden silence pokes you, pushes you, saying, “Notice me.” And I do – aware that the individual parts of the house, like the ebony and ivory of a piano, resonated not long ago with notes both high and low from being crashed upon in the music of life with a small child. The tones echo in my head, growing dimmer and dimmer until all I can hear is silence.

The silence, in my experience, is temporary. New noises quickly take over the available space in my brain. Thoughts of the day, big decisions, what ifs.

It was in this frame of mind that I wearily washed my face and climbed into bed the other night. After my regular browse through the social sphere – commenting on blogs, tweeting, laughing at jokes on Facebook – I shushed the noises and turned to Kindle.

Joanne Bamberger

I’ve been reading through Welcome to My World, the ebook I contributed to. I’m enjoying the stories by women whose voices I know – honest, poignant, and funny – and revelling in getting to know those I’ve yet to encounter in the wide world of blogging. That night I reached chapter 9 – Building My Empire by Joanne Bamberger (aka Pundit Mom). I love her writing and her point of view never fails to intrigue. She’s far more politically savvy than I, so I looked forward to what I expected would be a different perspective from mine.

But that, of course, is not how the Universe works.

Reading about the path of a woman whose (current) career I admire, I got to the part about how she ended up a stay-at-home mom when an expected opportunity didn’t materialize after she brought her daughter home from China.

Oh, I thought.

Joanne writes about how the loss of her professional identity affected her and how, through the introduction to blogging, she became a work-from-home writer mom.

Hmm, I thought.

I’ve wondered if I could do that. Okay, truth: I want to do that. I know I can but I’ve wondered if I will be able to make it work.

“I’d love to see more women explore this third way of combining motherhood and professional fulfillment,” Joanne writes.

She offers her advice on how to do that. And what do you know – it’s what I, too, believe to be true. But I’m not going to give away her secret – you’ll have to buy it for yourself to find out. 🙂 (It’s only $6.99!)