This is my first blog conference. I’m not freaking out. I’m going to go and learn and meet people and have fun.
The end.
See you there 😉
A Spoiler, With Love
July 18, 2011 by ·
The words I want to put on these pages are elusive today. I’m still sick and it’s wearing me down. I have a headache, again, and it’s blocking out the things I want to say. But for so many reasons, today, in particular, I want to say something.
In dedication to my #ppdchat mamas and all those who come here because you need to know you’re not alone, I offer you this, which I trust to be true.
With much love.
R xo
Hello, Inspiration – The Matter of Motherhood
July 17, 2011 by ·
Saturday. I am at home alone with my son for the day, for the first time in weeks. Months? A long time. For the first time since the day that precipitated this and this.
This is significant. How the day turns out matters – not just because I don’t want to have a bad day. It’s so much bigger than that.
***
We had friends over to play this morning – a girl Connor’s age who he’s known since he was weeks old. She is quiet and focused. He, generally, is not. Today he was buzzing, like a balloon you’ve blown up but not tied off so that when you let it go it flies everywhere, impossible to catch and making that pppbbbbttttpppphhhh noise as it releases all the energy inside.
A small part of me thought, really, Universe? Today? You couldn’t ease me back in?
It was not to be.
He only napped for 45 minutes, then got up and commenced whining and falling over on the floor.
I took him out of the house, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to manage at home all afternoon with him like that. It was a risk. I’ve done it before on rough days and had it blow up, quite spectacularly, in my face.
He wasn’t a whole lot better out in public but bribes for toddlers work wonders, though not magic. We still had meltdowns, throwing things, attempts to break things and running away in a store where I had to leave my wallet at the counter to chase him down.
But you know what? We made it. I talked. I redirected. I negotiated. I used positive reinforcement and when that didn’t work I took his new truck away. He got the message and we got home without anyone getting an arm ripped off.
I did it. And what I did today will help me do so much more.
***
Show me something I’ve never seen before; a treasured photograph of your grandparents or a handkerchief your father wore in his lapel.
Take me somewhere I’ve never been; a place where the land meets the sea, the breeze is cool and your mind calms.
Sing me the same soothing lullaby night after night; the one that helps ease my fears and dream vividly.
Let me make mistakes and learn as I go, no matter how difficult it may be for you to witness.
Guide me through life as though you were my tour guide, exposing me to places near and far but always emphasizing the importance of home.
Show me something I’ve never seen before, mom.
***
As a mother, my job is to take care of my son. To feed him. To comfort him. To love him.
But my job is also to teach him about the world and to introduce him to new things and new experiences. To help him develop the skills to interact appropriately with others. To teach him patience and respect and kindness.
My job is to help him make sense of the world so he can grow up to be the sort of person who helps the world make sense.
In the past I’ve had trouble doing that. At times it’s taken every ounce of energy I have. Some days I’ve felt like I’m faking it.
I’m going to have bad days. We all are. But for me there’s a difference between a normal bad day and a day where I drown in motherhood and forget that every parent has a bad day now and then and it’s not just me and it’s not because I can’t do it.
Yesterday was not a bad day. It was frustrating at times and tiring, apparently, because I lay down for a few minutes at 5:00 and slept, not hearing anything including my husband telling me dinner was ready, until 7.
Yesterday was a good day. And as I sat in the evening quiet, I read a really beautiful post by Tonya from Letters for Lucas. The italicized section above is excerpts from that post and Tonya kindly agreed to let me use them. I encourage you to go and read the whole thing. I guarantee it will inspire you. It inspired me, because it sums up exactly why finding my ability to be a mother matters.
I’m So Glad He’s Not Sixteen
July 16, 2011 by ·
“I’m supposed to have friends over for a party tomorrow,” my son tells me.
This is news to me.
“What kind of a party?”
“A big one. With a big box full of animals.”
Images of cock fights flash through my brain. And then I realize it’s more likely to be plastic dinosaurs, the animals from his Little People sets, and a few stuffies.
“And a big box of snakes,” he adds. “Would you like a big box of snakes?”
I’m not sure what the right answer to this question is, so I go with the simple, straightforward and honest approach.
“No.”
He seems unfazed by this. Meanwhile, I am grateful my son is three and not 16.
“It will be the biggest party ever and we’ll have party hats.”
Grateful for many reasons – because he is not bringing weird animals into my house, because he couldn’t access a box of snakes if he wanted to, but mostly because he’s old enough to want a party but young enough to appreciate the whimsy of party hats.
Credit: bunchfamily.ca
Life Lessons for the Tired and Lazy
July 15, 2011 by ·
And now for something completely different…
This week has been good, and today has been good, but I hit the burn-out point at about 6:04 tonight.
I’ve been sick for a week now and I’m tired because I stayed up too late last night supporting charitable causes saving the environment playing on the Interweb, and then my darling child got me up during the night and then woke for good at 6 a.m. So it’s Friday night and I sort of have my crankypants on (fleecy pajama ones because I don’t care what the calendar says, it’s not summer!). But I’m in luck – Rach and Sara have a link-up where I can rant share what I’ve learned this week. Which happens to all be stuff I already know but maybe if I write it down I’ll actually learn the lessons instead of continually repeating them.
- When I’m sick I need to either sleep or get up and have a shower. Spending half the day in my pajamas actually doesn’t make me feel better.
- Staying up late and thinking it’s fine because I don’t have to work and can nap the next day is dumb. Because I don’t nap. So I just end up tired.
- I tend to run out of patience a little faster – okay, pretty much immediately – when I’m tired.
- I need to find some sort of toilet paper tracking system so we don’t keep having Toilet Paper Emergencies, which result in raiding the house for Kleenex boxes and late-night trips to the store.
- I should not take my dog for a walk wearing plastic flip-flops. I’ve done this before and got blisters. I did it again today and have blisters and really sore feet (see above reference to crankypants).
- Even when I don’t feel like it, I should pay my child sufficient attention because if I don’t it inevitably results in him throwing things around the room and then tackling me bodily and that, surprisingly, doesn’t make me any more cheerful.
And with that, at 7:49 on a Friday evening, I bid you good night. I’ll probably be asleep before 9, which is a good thing because I have the small boy on my own for most of the day tomorrow for the first time in a really long time so, you know, being tired would be a bad thing.
Wish me luck.
