community Archives - Page 7 of 17 -

For Charity

October 29, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

When someone struggles, I help. When someone celebrates, I join in. But sometimes it’s a little bit of both, with hard stuff and happy stuff all intertwined, and I’m up for that too.

This is for Charity.

Dear Charity,

I know today you’re thinking back to a year ago when you admitted you needed help and went somewhere you could get it. I know it’s a hard day to think of. But it wasn’t just a hard day – it was the start of something.

Today you don’t have to worry about whether a year from now you will wish you had started today, because you’ve already begun. And you’ve come a long way, baby. Even if you still struggle, you are making progress and you’re where you need to be.

So don’t worry about this day a year ago, or this day a year from now. Focus on today.

You are where you need to be.

Filed Under: Postpartum depression · Tagged With: call for back-up, community, depression, hope, spreading the love, we're not alone

Rich in Love Trumps Rich in Money

October 17, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I have a new bloggy friend who feels like a kindred spirit, though I haven’t known her long at all. I met Dwija from House Unseen. Life Unscripted. through a bloggers’ group on Facebook, and if I hadn’t noticed her because of her name I certainly would have because of her blog. “We bought a house in rural Michigan sight-unseen off the internet,” reads her header. “My husband quit his job in California and we moved our four kids across the country.”

Heck yeah, I want to read this woman’s blog.

Then she friended me on Facebook and holy canoli is this woman funny. As in don’t-miss-her-status-updates funny.

Her story, as it turns out, is even richer than it sounds. (No pun intended.) My heart latched on to her history when she wrote Where I’m From. Several people, including me, asked her to share more about her background. Her response to that request – her humility, her hesitancy, her hilarious vernacular – captures so much about why I totally dig this woman already. (Plus, the post included a giant picture of a musk ox.)

She has started writing those stories, so go read part 1 and tell me you’re not hooked already. (And because you’re going to want them, here are the links to part 2 and part 3.)

So, um, anyway…before I spend a whole post rambling on about my new friend (and I could) I’ll tell you why this is important: She’s here today! And I’m at her place.

We’re doing a post exchange as part of the Friends You Love blog hop. I asked her if she’d play with me, she said yes, so here’s Dwija!

***

Five years ago I was still in my twenties. My skin looked great, I ran five days a week, I had two healthy little girls in pre-school and decent job.

And I was miserable.

Oh, we had money. We owned a charming little condo in Southern California and had two cars. I went out with my friends at least once, maybe twice a month.

And he was miserable.

We had everything “they” say you need to be happy and we just…weren’t. We weren’t happy. Because the one thing we didn’t have was each other.

I’ve read articles and “studies” lately that suggest the secret to a happy, or rather just bearable, marriage is to spend as much time apart as possible. Go on vacations alone. Talk badly behind each other’s backs. Drink a little too much. And then get some better meds.

My friends, if you are willing to endure that kind of painful existence, milquetoast at best, desperately depressing at worst, you are selling yourself short. You are cheating yourself out of the joy that everyone deserves.

When we had money and a house and perfect children in the Land of Fun, we rarely saw each other. We shared no hobbies. We went on no adventures together. He worked nights as a police officer, I worked days in an office. His days off were during the week, mine were on the weekend.

We stopped knowing each other.

So we stopped loving each other.

And you know what? That is not good enough. Not. Good. Enough. I wanted more, demanded more, because I deserved more. You deserve more.

And then the best terrible thing that could have happened to us happened – we foreclosed on our condo. Suddenly we had something in common again: a crisis.

In managing that crisis, we had to lean on one another. We had to make tough decisions and remind ourselves of what our priorities were. Or ought to be. We clung to one another and our relationship and the love we shared for our children and suddenly our lives BLOSSOMED again. Into a two-bedroom apartment just 6 days before baby number three was born and we were filled with JOY.

The peace that washed over our hearts and lit up our days once we prioritized each other over money or “fun” or stuff was nothing short of miraculous.

And now we’re here, in a house we bought for $27K cash sight-unseen off the internet, not knowing when Tommy will get another job or if we’ll ever be able to fix those holes in the ceiling, and we are happy.

You are worth more than tolerable. You are worth more than it-could-be-worse. Believe that. Live that. Make your life and your marriage and your family your hobby. Your adventure. You won’t regret it.

***

Sigh. I love her.

So now that I’ve introduced (some of) you to a fabulous new blogger, please head over to Dwija’s to read my (not nearly so deep) post about the time we were moving my husband out to live with me and ended up giving all his worldly possessions to some strangers.

Filed Under: Guest posts, Happy things, Hello, Inspiration · Tagged With: community, family, living life, love, perspective

Blue

October 11, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

With some distance, I wonder what Connor will think of all this when he’s older.

Will he understand my struggle?

Will he think it was about him?

Will he be embarrassed that I put this much of it out there?

I don’t think he will.

In fact I’m willing to bet he won’t.

You see, we know it’s okay now.

One day, long after her streaks have faded, he will come across a picture of his Grandma – my mom – with blue hair.

He will see a newspaper article with a picture of her – blue hair and all – sitting between his dad and I.

And he will know what that brilliant shock of blue means: It’s okay to ask for help.

And if he asks I’ll give him nothing but love.

Just like my mother did for me.

With thanks to Paul and the staff at Chamberlain Walk hair salon for supporting my mom’s fundraising for mental health and suicide prevention.

If you’d like to make a contribution you can do that here. If my mom raises $4000 she’ll dye her whole head blue (and I really, really want to see that).

—

Music in the video is “Blue” by July for Kings. Lovely, isn’t it?

Filed Under: Better world, Happy things, Motherhood, Postpartum depression · Tagged With: community, family, gratitude, hope, love, my wish for you, we're not alone

Join the Fight: Depression Awareness Month

October 10, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

I wrote yesterday’s post thinking it was a silly confession about overindulging in chips and ice cream. Today, as I entered hour three of being curled up in bed in my parents’ guest room watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory on my laptop (having again vacated our house for showings), my head was finally quiet enough for that little voice to be heard. The one that says, “It’s back. You’re back there.” The one that tries to brush away my cranky exterior enough to get through to me with its message that being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid is a sign of more than just being bitchy and snapping at my husband and my kid.

It’s the other side of the voice – the usually much louder one – that says, “Life sucks. This is too hard. I don’t want to live with this anymore.”

Today, while I deal with the battle of the voices, I’m sharing a guest post from from Help for Depression. In honor of Depression Awareness Month, they’re hosting a fundraiser for To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA).

***

It is so hard to take care of the house and the kids when you need a fork lift to get out of bed each morning. That is why it’s so important to spread awareness about depression during October, Depression Awareness Month. I would surely like my husband to have more awareness, although generally he is patient and sympathetic with me.

What motivates me to write about Depression Awareness Month is my daughter. She called me from her dorm and said, “Mom, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on my homework. What’s the point of all this anyway?” I had hoped none of my children would experience depression. I’ll have to revise my hope.

While searching for information on depression in young adults, I learned that 44% of college students have depressive symptoms. As my daughter would say, “OMG.” How is it possible that so many young people, close to half, are depressed when they’re just out of life’s starting gate? I find it outrageous that suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students. It can’t be right to ignore these statistics.

How bad does it have to get?

Think about it: if 44% of university students had the flu all at once, it likely would be labeled an epidemic. I think if people realized how big this problem is there would be more concern, or at least the start of more concern.

The other day my ten-year-old said, “Mom, you’re such a crab,” and that was to my face. My husband calls our life boring, and my mother thinks I’m lazy. There is a little truth to the laziness part, but that’s not why the laundry is piled up.

I do not want my daughter to be afraid of people finding out she is depressed.

That is why I am thrilled about Depression Awareness Month. It won’t fix the problem, but it is a start. People need to know what the symptoms are, what resources are available, and those suffering deserve to feel accepted.

As for myself, I want people to know that I do not expect to be babied, and do not feel sorry for myself. I want people who are suffering unnecessarily to find help. I want to purchase my medication without feeling a tinge of shame.

There is an easy way to help

There are people doing more to spread depression awareness than just talking, like me. Help for Depression, a depression resource, and a nonprofit called To Write Love On Her Arms, have joined forces this October to raise money for depression awareness.

If you can click with a mouse, you can make a difference. Go to the Help for Depression Facebook page and click the ‘Like’ button. For each new ‘Like’ given between October 1st and the 15th, $1 is donated towards their $15,000 goal. Please take a few seconds to click and contribute.

About the Author

Jacqueline is a creative writer, published poet, and has an MA in counseling psychology. Her education is backed by 12 years experience as a licensed clinical counselor.

***

When I first “liked” the Help for Depression page, there were only a handful of other likes. Now, not even two weeks later, they’re at almost 10,000. This is clearly an issue that affects a lot of people.

Please click through and click “Like” to help them towards their $15,000 goal. Depression is a horrible thing to live with.

PS You can also find me on Just.Be.Enough. today talking about my current struggles as a parent. Please come and visit me over there and tell me I’m not the only one…

Filed Under: Better world, Hard things · Tagged With: admissions, community, depression, hope

Message in an Ebook

October 7, 2011 by Farewell Stranger ·

The evening quiet of a house after a toddler goes to sleep is like a grand piano after a concert. The sudden silence pokes you, pushes you, saying, “Notice me.” And I do – aware that the individual parts of the house, like the ebony and ivory of a piano, resonated not long ago with notes both high and low from being crashed upon in the music of life with a small child. The tones echo in my head, growing dimmer and dimmer until all I can hear is silence.

The silence, in my experience, is temporary. New noises quickly take over the available space in my brain. Thoughts of the day, big decisions, what ifs.

It was in this frame of mind that I wearily washed my face and climbed into bed the other night. After my regular browse through the social sphere – commenting on blogs, tweeting, laughing at jokes on Facebook – I shushed the noises and turned to Kindle.

Joanne Bamberger

I’ve been reading through Welcome to My World, the ebook I contributed to. I’m enjoying the stories by women whose voices I know – honest, poignant, and funny – and revelling in getting to know those I’ve yet to encounter in the wide world of blogging. That night I reached chapter 9 – Building My Empire by Joanne Bamberger (aka Pundit Mom). I love her writing and her point of view never fails to intrigue. She’s far more politically savvy than I, so I looked forward to what I expected would be a different perspective from mine.

But that, of course, is not how the Universe works.

Reading about the path of a woman whose (current) career I admire, I got to the part about how she ended up a stay-at-home mom when an expected opportunity didn’t materialize after she brought her daughter home from China.

Oh, I thought.

Joanne writes about how the loss of her professional identity affected her and how, through the introduction to blogging, she became a work-from-home writer mom.

Hmm, I thought.

I’ve wondered if I could do that. Okay, truth: I want to do that. I know I can but I’ve wondered if I will be able to make it work.

“I’d love to see more women explore this third way of combining motherhood and professional fulfillment,” Joanne writes.

She offers her advice on how to do that. And what do you know – it’s what I, too, believe to be true. But I’m not going to give away her secret – you’ll have to buy it for yourself to find out. 🙂 (It’s only $6.99!)