Good Times

If you turn left off our street and then drive just around a short bend, you’ll be driving straight towards a wall of mountains whose view fills the entire horizon. On a clear day every peak and every sheer face of ice and snow is visible. On a sunny day, the light actually reflects off of them.

Rocky Mountains

To get to my parents’ house—20 minutes from here in the adjacent town—I turn right at the end of that road and then take a left. The road leads up and I drive, picking up speed to reach the faster limit as the road turns into highway. My adrenaline and excitement pick up speed as well, and I smile when this sunny song comes on the radio.

A very good friend of mine
Told me something the other day
I’d like to pass it on to you, 
‘Cause I believe what he said to be true

We’re here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can’t shine every day

There’s something about this road. To the south is a valley where the land dips out of sight, making it feel as though this highway is at the top of the world.

I love this drive.

It never fails to leave me paused in time, especially on a sunny day (which, around here, come often). Tucked behind trees I see houses and imagine living in them in this beautiful location just beyond the city. Here and there are abandoned barns and the occasional piece of rusting farm equipment. It’s a landscape that speaks to me despite having grown up in a city known more for flowers and ocean than wide open spaces and bales of hay.

Where do you live? Do you notice what’s around you or does the scenery fade into the background of your days? Does anything ever catch your eye?

It’s easy to be overwhelmed by all the stuff we have to do. The first part of my day today was a rush of tidying and cleaning after Connor had a massive nosebleed in the middle of the night. We had blood on clothes, beds, carpets. I was desperate to get the laundry’s critical path right before leaving for a walk with a friend in the afternoon lest we end the day with no sheets and a pile of sopping wet bedding. I managed to get all the beds stripped and one load of laundry started and then another load started and the first load finished before I had to leave the house.

I walked with my friend in the crisp spring air and after our walk I hit the highway.

…Every year has its share of tears,
Every now and then it’s gotta rain

Things aren’t perfect. There’s always laundry and the dishwasher seems to require emptying every time I turn around. Rich has been sick and Connor has been sick and I’m tired. But life can’t be perfect all the time.

We’ve had our share of rain. I certainly did in my last postpartum phase. That wasn’t just rain – it was a massive, ongoing deluge.

But right now life is good.

The sun can’t shine every day, but the rain brings perspective.

I believe that to be true, so while my sun is out I’m going to bask in the good times.


friday favorite things | finding joy

GFunkified

Ground Control

When was that last time you stood outside at night and looked at the stars? I did that recently and it struck me that it’s been a very long time since I’ve done that in any mindful way.

I was looking for something, but until it was time to see it I stood in the cold night air. It was crisp, but not uncomfortably cold. During those minutes the neighbourhood was quiet and all I could hear was the hum of the hunkered-down city just beyond the cul-de-sac.

I looked up and saw stars, tiny dots on the black canvas of night. I’ve only ever been able to identify a couple of constellations, but there they were. Reliable. Unchanged.

I was looking for the International Space Station, which, after a few weeks of being visible in the early morning when kids and the call of a cup of tea make it practically impossible to stand outside and look up at the sky, was going to be passing overhead. I get an email alerting me if it will be visible in my area, and that night the time worked. 8 p.m. Ethan was asleep and Rich was upstairs putting Connor to bed. The dog hadn’t made his nightly appearance from his hiding spot in the basement, so I was alone. Just me and the stars.

For a few years I fairly frequently flew back and forth between Victoria and Vancouver, the harbour planes cruising low enough that the ground was always in sight. Being above the world, even just a little, invariably put things in perspective.

I am up here. The world is down there. People are driving and boating and farming. They are living their lives just as they did yesterday and will do again tomorrow.

It always made me feel as though whatever was bugging me was perhaps not such a big deal.

That’s how I feel when I look at the stars. Doesn’t everyone? It’s hard not to feel insignificant in the face of evidence of the universe and time almost beyond measure.

Pakistan from space.

Pakistan from space. Photo credit: Col. Chris Hadfield, Canadian Space Agency

I wasn’t sure if I saw the ISS that night because I wasn’t entirely certain what I was looking for. Maybe I saw it. Maybe my timing was off by mere minutes. But I did see a couple of shooting stars and I took some time to breathe.

Do you ever just stand outside and look up at the stars?

 

P.S. If you aren’t already following along with Col. Chris Hadfield — a proud Canadian — and his life and work aboard the ISS I can’t recommend it enough. He’s there for a five-month period, and the photos he shares are nothing short of incredible. But it’s not just that. He’s knowledgeable, inclusive, poetic. His photo captions reveal a man who is not just a scientist but an artist as well. “The sea playing with the sand,” he says of the image of Pakistan above. He shares their work and the science and engineering behind it, daily life in space, and some personal information as well. You want to feel awe? He doles it out in bucketfuls. I love looking up into space, and I love knowing there’s someone looking back and me and sharing what he sees.

 

Getting My Book On

I unplugged for 24 hours over the weekend – the first time, I think, I have ever deliberately done that. March 1 was the National Day of Unplugging and when a friend wrote about it I had one of those, “I’m gonna do it!” reactions – hastily proclaimed and later regretted. When Friday evening came and it was time to shut down I was balanced directly on the point of the fencepost, wondering if I really needed to follow through while knowing that I did.

So I did and it was great and now I know why people do this all the time.

We decided Saturday called for an adventure, so we went out to a provincial park not too far from here and wandered through the trails, over bridges and streams and among trees. It was an afternoon with a lot of Instagram potential. I didn’t succumb, though I did take some pictures and posted them later that night.Bridge-Big-Hill-Springs

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately…”

I quoted Thoreau when I posted it because that’s just how I felt. It’s how I feel about a lot of things lately – I want to be deliberate about what I’m doing.

I want to take a picture because I want to frame the moment in my life, not in an edited, filtered Instagram.

I want to listen to Connor in the moment so that he knows I’m listening to him, instead of wondering later if he feels as though I don’t ever really pay attention.

I want to read something because it interests me or because it sparks a thought or because it makes me a better writer.

I took a nature hunt list with us when we went to the park, and we all happily searched for the items. Something rough, it said. Something smooth. Something green. Something you think is beautiful. I wondered what Connor would choose as something he thought was beautiful.

He chose a pine cone.

I spend too much time on Facebook and I’ve been aware of it for a while. I get up to feed Ethan at night and read Facebook. I browse while I eat breakfast. I check my news feed while Connor watches TV during the day.

It’s the thief of my time, inspiration and presence and I needed to quit.

In doing so I’ve rediscovered my love of books and the attention span needed to read them. Because that’s what I’ve decided on for March – I’m going to read. Every day. And not just two paragraphs before my eyelids close at night.

Thanks to a suggestion from Angela on my post looking for ideas for my March focus I’m going to try reading with Connor. Not reading to him, but reading with him. We read to him already – every night before bed. But I’d like to try sitting down next to him while we both read a book we’re interested in. Reading is a good thing to model, and I think he will enjoy the time together too.

So that’s my focus for March – I’m going to unplug from social media a little and plug into life a whole lot more.

reading-quote

Brainstorm: A Focus for March

It’s February 28th. I’m not sure how that happened, but there you go.

After being diligent with my 30 days of exercise in January, I’m surprised — disappointed, even — that my goal of 20 minutes of intention daily in February has been tough. I’ve definitely learned from it, and have benefitted from it in many ways, but it wasn’t something that came naturally to me. I didn’t wake up each day thinking about what it would involve.

I think for something like this to work well for me it needs to be a specific thing. I actually love the idea of focusing on something for a month, but it needs to be one thing. 20 minutes of something didn’t work that well, but 20 minutes of a specific thing would probably be great.

So that brings me to March. I’d like to do something every day in March, but I’m stuck for ideas. I have a journal that has just been looking at me, so maybe something with that? But morning pages don’t work for me (too much kid interference) and I really struggle with trying to just write, even if it’s only two pages. I need a series of prompts or something…

I’ve pondered a photography challenge, like the photo-a-day ones, but I never remember to do it.

Maybe my challenge should be to actually have a shower before noon every day.

Sigh.

Help! Ideas? Links? Brainstorm with me – I need inspiration! I’ve only got a day to figure this out.

P.S. Speaking of inspiration, my latest post on Just.Be.Enough is about a nagging feeling of boredom and the desire to explore more opportunities. Come read!
 

Chasing Intention

Being intentional is surprisingly difficult. I intend to be intentional, but then I forget and go back to flitting around in my usual way, doing lots of things but not really paying attention to any of them.

This is both a surprise to me and not.

This challenge appealed to me because I know I do this. I’m fully aware of it, often in the moment. I don’t like feeling scattered but that’s how I end up feeling when I’m not focusing on something with intention.

There’s a lot of noise inside my head right now. Some of it is actual noise, like the sounds of a child to whom “quiet” means something different than what it means to me. He talks incessantly, and when he’s not talking he bops and pops and thumps in a seemingly never-ending cacophony of sounds that is the trademark of a four-year-old boy.

view-from-tower

Perspective is nice, if you can get it.

But much of the noise is of my own creation, or perhaps just a normal part of life. There are whispers of laundry that needs doing and the annoying tap that is the constant reminder to figure out what’s for dinner. There’s the whirring calculator tallying how many times I was up in the night and the steady tick of a clock making its way towards bedtime. Ideas for keeping two boys entertained rush in with a whoosh and depart, either tossed aside or rejected, with a whimper. The noise echoes a traffic jam as it all becomes too much and then it reaches a crescendo and I lay on the horn and say STOP. ENOUGH.

Quiet. I need quiet.

My best moments, when intention comes in and stays instead of playing Nicky Nicky Nine Doors on my brain, is when it’s quiet. When the house is quiet – either asleep or away. When I’m walking. When I find a patch of sunlight and that light helps me see clearly. Sometimes quiet is a cup of tea.

Maybe I need to invite intention to tea.

I have found them — those moments of intention — over the last 11 days. Not always 20 minutes at a time, though, and sometimes (I admit with a feeling of shame) I’ve counted something as intentional after the fact.

But is that really the definition of intention?

in·ten·tion
noun

  1. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.
  2. the end or object intended; purpose.

In some ways, intention is means to an end, and so I suppose if I have had moments of focus or joy or productivity then I can count those as intentional. But to me, part of the point of this exercise is to boldly and deliberately seek out those activities that quieten my mind and those moments that bring me joy. There is a presence about it that I haven’t quite mastered yet.

And so, as I sit here in my quiet house, spending some time writing intentionally, I vow this: I intend to be more purposefully intentional. The road is paved and waiting.