I Am

I am determined and unsure
I wonder what’s in store this second time around
I hear babies crying when it’s silent at night
I see the girl I used to be
I want the gifts of patience and perspective
I am determined and unsure

I pretend I can’t
I feel it’s just the fear of failing
I touch his soft baby head the way it lives in my memories
I worry about the time long since passed
I cry thinking of the person I am not
I am determined and unsure

I understand I can’t control everything
I say I wish that weren’t so
I dream of laughter and satisfaction and joy
I try to see things as they really are
I hope this time will be different
I am determined and unsure

mom with sleeping baby on shoulder

Connor at 3 weeks old sleeping on mama’s shoulder

 

This post is based on this I am poem template and is linked up with Mama Kat’s writer’s workshop. This isn’t at all what I thought I was writing about when I started, but there you go.

 

Mama’s Losin’ It

From Dragonflies to Dream Houses

A few weeks ago I decided it was time to do something to tackle my lingering dissatisfaction and doubt about my current path. My professional path, mostly, but life is about more than just one thing, and wouldn’t it be grand if the puzzle actually all came together?

So I created a vision board, and this is how it turned out.

vision board

 

There are things on there that I want to have the courage to do and things I want to cultivate in myself.

There are images that represent my role as a mother and a parent and what I want to encourage in my children.

There are images that represent things I like to do and want to do more of.

And there is chocolate.

In my late teens/early 20s I had journals I decorated with pictures and words cut out of magazines. Words, mostly,  because despite being a visual person words are what speak to me most. I have book after book after book, all of which rest quietly in my hope chest, too much a part of me to let go.

This board, obviously, is mostly pictures, and I haven’t yet decided if this is the approach that works for me. (The collection of words in the middle near the bottom are what came out when I posted on Facebook about creating a vision board and asked for inspiration. Those words appeared, rapid-fire, from many different friends, and reminded me just how much inspiration there is in our lives if only we look for it.)

I also haven’t decided what to do with this. Print it out and put it somewhere I can see it every day, probably. That seems like the natural thing to do. For what is a vision board if not something to look at, and, in looking at it, letting it come to life?

I’ll let you know how I get on.

 

With thanks to Tonya and Tracie for sharing their boards with me for extra inspiration. 

Do you have a vision board and has it made a difference in your life?

Grace in Small Things: #4

birthday-cement-truck

1. Water parks.

2. Husbands who bring home a burger and fries at the exact moment you’re thinking, “I could really go for a burger and fries.”

3. The ice-cream-and-baby-kicks combination.

4. When all you need is love, and you get it.

5. Finding the light again.

Grace in Small Things: #3

fortune-from-fortune-cookie

I sincerely hope so, and that it's exciting in a good way.

The weekend was not good, and this list was harder to make than the last two when I started it a couple of days ago. But here’s where it ended up.

  1. Chocolate for breakfast.
  2. Painting my nails, which makes me feel just a little bit less like a lazy slob.
  3. Dinner out in my old hood and a nostalgic drive past my childhood home.
  4. An evening walk with the dog in the sunshine. We both needed it.
  5. Pickles.

Today was better.

Waging a battle against embitterment and taking part in Grace in Small Things.

Finding My Why

Looking at the lists of prompts for Be Enough Me there was one that jumped out at me: “What is your why?” It’s a question I think about a lot.

I’m hosting the Be Enough Me link-up and posting about that today on Just.Be.Enough. I haven’t answered the question quite yet, but the ongoing challenge with answering it is part of my big picture.

I’d love it if you’d come read and tell me what your why is.

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