perspective Archives - Page 9 of 23 -

Away

May 1, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

We (the collective we) do this all the time, don’t we? We say, “We should go away for the weekend.” Or, “I need a vacation.” We look wistfully at pictures of serene (or exciting) places and reminisce about the last time we had a proper vacation. And then we sigh and carry on.

I’m horrible about doing this. I work for an airline and the only time I used my flight benefits in the last four months was to go to Blissdom (which was handy, to be sure). People I work with go to Vegas for the weekend or to the next province for the afternoon. Or to Amsterdam for 3 days.

I’m not quite that ambitious, but we have talked about going to San Diego for a weekend. I’d like to go back home and see friends and family. I’d really like to book myself a tropical vacation but it might be a while before that happens. (Although… baby-moon? Maybe.)

As we were coming up to Easter I started to muse aloud about going away for the weekend. Just an hour from here, into the mountains. We needed a change of scenery.

So we went.

Frozen, but not for long.

As is typical, it was a last-minute decision. My mom had come to visit and my brother had gone to Australia (for two days – on flight benefits. See what I mean?) and my pregnant-with-twins sister-in-law was here on her own. So we decided to take them with us.

Somewhere in there, they're fly fishing under the coal bridge.

It took me a while to find a place that (a) had a vacancy and (b) would be able to sleep our odd assortment of family. But I found one, we shipped the dog to my mother-in-law’s and went.

We didn’t even do a lot – none of the adventurous things I had been pondering. We went for dinner. We went for lunch. We hid Easter eggs. And we walked.

A ha! O ho! Tracks in the snow. Whose are these tracks and where do they go?*

Out there in the silence, with occasional sounds of crunching snow, it’s easy to feel like a mere speck in the universe. Other things fade away and life’s most basic things are what feel important. Like sunshine and flowing water. Like tracks of animals who came before and who worry less about work-life balance and more about the balance of existence.

Every kid has to rattle a stick on a bridge once in his life.

And like the first time a small boy rattles a stick on a metal bridge.

Who was Daisy? And did she find peace in the mountains?

This environment suggests quiet and observation. It makes me stop and think. And it leaves me with a feeling I can’t describe.

No words necessary.

Which is fine, because sometimes no words are necessary.

*For bonus points, name that (very good) children’s book.

Filed Under: Happy things, Photos · Tagged With: family, favourite activities, living life, perspective, photos, weekends

The Power of Truth

April 26, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

It’s been five days since the antenatal depression light clicked on. Five sleeps. Five sunrise-sunsets. Five turns of the Earth. And everything actually feels okay in my world.

No matter what the situation, I always feel better once I recognize it. An anxiety attack is less end-of-the-world when I realize it’s a momentary and not entirely logical reaction to something (even if I don’t know what that something is). The stones at what looks like the fast-approaching bottom fall away to reveal solid ground beneath me. And I stop feeling like I don’t know what I’m going to do next.

I don’t know if it was the recognizing of it or the saying of it or the writing of it. But that truth took away some of the power this illness has and gave it back to me.

There’s always power in truth. Whether you admit it to yourself or the whole world, saying it helps dissipate the darkness. I know this, and yet I have to learn the lesson every time.

I’m not saying everything is better or that this won’t still be a battle at times, but I am feeling better. And, for now at least, I’m sleeping in my bed instead of hiding in it.

Thank you for all the comments and words of love – both here and elsewhere.

Image credit: auro on Flickr

Filed Under: Happy things, Pregnancy · Tagged With: antenatal depression, anxiety, community, gratitude, perspective, we're not alone

More Than Strong

April 24, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

Confession: This post is not coming together. And it feels like the opposite of what I’m supposed to write. But I need to say it.

A couple of weeks ago, Ashley Judd blasted media in a piece on The Daily Beast. In this smart (very smart) article, she took people to task for speculating on her puffy appearance and, in doing so, reducing women to their most superficial attributes.

If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s fascinating.

I pointed this piece out to our Just.Be.Enough team because it fits perfectly with the theme of that blog. We talked about it and decided it was a great prompt for a link-up: Who are you beyond your labels? We’re helping to Change the Conversation.

I’ve had labels applied to me. We all have. Some of them are kind, others spiteful. Some are ignorant, and some hit a little too close to home.

It would be easy to say, I am more than a PPD survivor. I am more than “just” a mom. I am more than any of those obvious labels. But it’s not the obvious labels I want to shed today.

For the past two years, in particular, I’ve been described using a lot of very kind words. Strong. Smart. A good mom.

I’m just so capable.

Except sometimes I don’t feel that way.

And this is where I got stuck writing this.

It seems silly to say, “I don’t want to be labelled as strong.” But sometimes I don’t. There are times when I admit to struggling and I ask for help, and to say, you’ll be okay – you’re strong overlooks the fact that in that moment I’m not.

I think this is the flip side of talking about mental health. Yes, it’s okay to talk about it. No, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it also needs to be okay to say I’m not okay and have that be recognized as part of this process. It leads to important questions, like What do you need to be okay? and to the support inherent in saying, I don’t expect you to just get better.

“Good” labels can be stifling. Someone can be strong and… Strong and struggling. Strong and tired. Strong and just plain in need of support.

If we’re going to get rid of labels, we need to accept the whole person. We need to be able to say, I accept that about you and give you the space to either work through that or let that be part of who you are.

No matter what the label, we need to accept people for who they are—even just in that moment—not what we want them to be.

***

I’d like to say a huge thank you to my beautiful friend Angela from Tread Softly for helping me think through this and for making it okay to post about something that kind of feels like a whine.

About the Change the Conversation link-up:

It is time to look past the obvious for ourselves and our families. We’re inviting posts from voices everywhere to share your labels and who you are beyond that. The focus is whatever you need it to be– from our lives as moms, dads, parents, spouses, to professionals, survivors, athletes and more. We invite you to join us, to celebrate our strengths, to celebrate our diversity, to celebrate our voices and change the conversation.

We hope you will read, comment, link up, and explore the stories of others who have linked.

Please join us!

Filed Under: Postpartum depression · Tagged With: admissions, Be enough me, labels, perspective

In the Softening Light

April 19, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

We lie in bed, cozy under the covers, as the light outside slowly fades. We read stories, talking about the pictures and why things work the way they do.

Credit: Roads Less Traveled Photography, Flickr

“How does that move?”

“Where did they get the wheels from?”

“What makes it go?”

After each question, a pause, and an “oh.” He’s listening.

He rubs his eyes, then my wrist. Still his safe spot.

“I want to hug you for finding my lizard,” he says, and he does.

“I love you, mummy.” His voice is soft and small. “You’re the best.”

When the stories are done and the lights are out, he is quiet but my mind is not. I think about what I did today.

Is that one little thing important?

Five years from now, will what I spent my time doing make a difference?

50 years from now, will it even matter that I was there?

These are the things I think about in the softening light.

***

My family has been in town and Connor has been sleeping in our bed for the last week. While it’s not something we would choose on a permanent basis (though more often than not someone ends up in his bed with him for at least part of the night) I do enjoy it. I love the little hand that reaches for mine in the night, his gentle heat and that barely-there-but-still-audible breath punctuated by small sighs.

It makes me think a lot about what’s important.

Filed Under: Conversations with Connor, Happy things, Motherhood · Tagged With: bedtime, family, love, moments, perspective

Helping yourself feel better

April 11, 2012 by Farewell Stranger ·

I’ve got a post up at Postpartum Progress that goes back to my time with the horrible, awful psychiatrist. (Remember her?)

She told me at one point to make to-do lists for myself that covered basic things, like eating and showering. At the time, I wanted to smack her.

I did come to realize that, while we’re struggling with something like postpartum depression, there is value in forcing ourselves to look at whether what we’re doing is helping us or keeping us stagnant. But I do (of course) have some suggestions for how she might have worded it differently.

Come and visit me over there.